New Study Shows Drinking Coffee Can Add Centuries to Your Life, Finally Giving You Time to Finish That Novel You Started in College

According to a groundbreaking new study, drinking coffee can extend your lifespan by an incredible 500 years. The study, which was conducted by researchers at the Institute for Caffeine Consumption and Longevity, found that regular coffee consumption can have a profound effect on the aging process.

“These findings are truly revolutionary,” said Dr. Jane Doe, the lead researcher on the study. “They have the potential to completely change the way we think about aging and longevity. We always knew that coffee was good for you, but we had no idea it could have such a dramatic effect on lifespan.”

The study, which was conducted over a period of 10 years and involved over 1,000 participants, found that those who drank the most coffee had significantly longer lifespans than those who didn’t. In fact, some of the study’s participants who drank large amounts of coffee were able to live well into their 500s, with some even reaching the ripe old age of 600.

But it’s not just the extra years that coffee can add to your life that are impressive. The study also found that those who drank the most coffee were also the most productive and had the lowest rates of absenteeism at work.

“I never felt better,” said Jim Smith, a participant in the study. “I’m already in my 400s and I feel like I’m just hitting my stride. I can’t wait to see what the next 500 years have in store.”

While these findings are certainly exciting, Dr. Doe cautions readers not to overdo it with the coffee. “Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing,” she said. “But as long as you’re enjoying your coffee in moderation, you should be able to add centuries to your life.”