Paris Hilton’s Former Pet Monkey Arrested
Boston, MA—Baby Luv, former designer pet to socialite Paris Hilton was arrested earlier this month in connection with the brutal...
Absurd World News
Giantess Fetish 2009’s Top Trend
All you foot freaks who come to this site all the time looking for stinky feet, we've got news for...
Horrorscopes for the Week of February 22nd
ARIES--you are going to encounter the corpse of GG Allin in a Starbucks on Wednesday. He is going to hold...
Werewolves: the Original UnAmerican
Werewolves have been the greatest threat to national security since the early part of the 19th century. Lincoln was at...
Perfect Nails Made Easy: 8 Feet in 8 Weeks
The luxurious life of the privileged is at your fingertips and toetips in just 8 short weeks. The revolutionary new...
Wet Brain: Zombie Infection Linked to Alcoholism
PORT-AU-PRINCE, HAITI – Research at the University of Haiti College of Medicine has uncovered strong evidence linking Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome or...
Husband Flashes Wife’s Clients, Threateningly Sharpens Knife
Married for almost 30 years, the husband never held a steady job and always asked his wife for money. One...
Controversial 90’s Artwork Found on Aboriginal Cave Wall
The discovery of cave paintings of the controversial late 90’s art icon known only as It Come in the aboriginal...
Cheating Husband and Mistress Condemned by Wet Napkin
A woman who was suspicious of her husband having an affair hired a private investigator to install a GPS with...
Inspirational Madlibs: Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Using the definitions provided, and your inner spirit guide, fill out the boxes below with the correct type of word....
Miracle Gum Grows New Teeth
Chiclets, the candy coated gum once widely available in the US is set to make a comeback after many years...
Horrorscopes for the Week of January 25th, 2009
Aries-On Thursday you will be dreaming about a werewolf plane being made love to by a screaming plane and then ...
Anybody Votes! Office Horrors: Creepy Vs Werewolf
There are hundreds of horrors that greet us everyday in the office. From sneezing babies, to prehistoric insects, you just...
Werewolf Sighting: Ass Dragging Werewolf Ruins Carpet
January 15, 2009 A Greenbay Wisconsin woman returned home friday afternoon to find a creature defiling her living room carpet....
Kellogg Layoff Result: Corn Pops Rebranded Gold Tooth Crunch
Due to recessionary concerns, the Kellogg Company has asked it’s Kellogg’s ® division to recycle some of their old cereal...
Old Man Pulls Up Womans Skirt, Gets Blown – to the Head
A 22 year old woman came home late one night and her 50 year old drunk neighbor who was sitting...
Werewolf Sighting: Boy Poisons Creature with Antifreeze
MEDFORD, WISCONSIN – An area boy told local authorities he was able to fend off a werewolf attack Friday night...
In Theaters This Week "The Wrestler" the Feel Good Movie of the Year
Check it out people! The Wrestler from Fox Searchlight Pictures opened in theaters this week. Charlize Theron has reprised her...
Strip Club Scents: Life at a Glimpse.
The above photo was recently taken at the fine go-go bar 'Tittilations' in scenic Bloomfield, NJ. This convenient stench dispenser...
Anybody Votes! 80’s Alien Fight: Mork vs Alf
It’s a battle to the death between two alien 80’s tv show icons. Peaceful Mork from Ork or the vicious...
Instant Beauty: Eyebrows the Only Item You Need
Thin droopy eyebrows got you down? Poorly defined bushy brows? All that’s in the past. It’s 2009 now, a new...
Weekly Horrorscopical Preparations for the ’09
in 2009 ARIES: Everyone hates the boss at some time or another, but they can usually get by without call...
Horrorscopes for the Week of Santa Please-Put-The-Robot-Back-In-Christmas Week
ARIES: Don’t count on getting shit for Christmas, Santa has had it with you. You know, you have been pretty...
Animatronic Santa Charged in Slayings of 267 Children Over 46 Years
1962 - a time of innocence. Americans were obsessed with the future and all the wonders it would bring. It...
Nike Air BS Raises Hopes of Profit for Nike In ’09
BEAVERTON, Ore. (Dec. 21, 2008) – NIKE, Inc. (NYSE: NKE) today announced that they are expecting profits in the 1st...
Christmas Madlibs: Rudolph the $%&@ Nosed Reindeer
In the spirit of Christmas, EMToast.com is proud to present you with the opportunity to fill in the blanks of...
Skeleton of Four Breasted Woman Discovered
Byram, NJ. Recent renovations of a section of Route 80 westbound have uncovered the remains of what archeologists believe to...
Mustache Cops
A friend of a friend of EMToast.com co-created and starred in this short film about those who wear mustaches and...
Horrorscopes for the Week of December 8th
ARIES- The less you say the more intelligent people will think you are, well the less chances you have you...
Mother Allegedly Commands Children “Kill Your Father!”
47 year old man was married to his 40 year old wife for almost 20 years and they have a...
Rapist Viciously Beaten By Victim’s Children During Attack
24 Year old horny young man went up to the roof of his building one night trying to peak at...
Better Never than Late Game Review-Guitar Hero Aerosmith
I wrote this tirade on this game tape a few months back and it was just lingering in Word Press...
Divorce Court: Abusive Husband Obsessively Sniffs Panties, Threatens To Run Wife Over With Truck
A 42 yr old truck driver and 40 a year old nurse have been married for 12 years and the...
67 Year Old Cheating Granny Chokes on “Meat Bun” and Dies
A 67 year old grandmother was having an affair with a 71 year old man. One morning she called him...
Group Hepsi vs Hep C
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hcaZyMDD7g Group Hepsi, commonly known as Hepsi, is a famous Turkish pop/R&B girl group. Hepatitis C (aka Hep C) is...
Horrorscopes for the Week of Turkey Holocaust #479
Aries: Your life has become as complicated as a Marble Madness diagram. The planetary alignment of Pluto and Uranus is...
The Pedo-Files: Exploring Inappropriate Relationships In Gaming
Subject: Dr. Light. Esteemed roboticist Dr. Thomas Light has long been under saucy scrutiny for his near obsessive creations of...
The True Meaning of Thanksgiving: King Kong vs Godzilla
If you were a kid in the 70’s or 80’s living in the NJ/NY area, you know the true meaning...
Truck Driver Hit By Sleep Deprived Woman, Body Parts Everywhere
A 53 year old truck driver ran out of gas on the highway. He parked the truck on the shoulder...
Sneezing Thief Needs Claritin-D
A man suspected someone broke into his house and called the police. The police showed up and searched the whole...
Thanksgiving Day Blessing Madlibs
photo credit: eye of einstein Coming up with an appropriate blessing for your Thanksgiving day feast can be difficult. This...
Horrorscopes for the week of November 16th
ARIES- The alignment of the planets suggests you might be thinking of making your crush a token of affection from...
Angry Women Chase Half-Nude Attacker Down City Streets
Two girls were sitting outside chatting. This guy walked funny passing them and they didn't think too much of it. ...
Tiny Guns: America’s Newest Obsession
With building security tightening nationwide, gun enthusiasts and criminals alike have found a novel way around pat downs and metal...
Horrorscopes For The Week of November 2nd
ARIES: This is your week to shine dear Aries. Put people in their places and let them know who is...
