Only the Moon Watched
The dolphin left his cave in search of human prey. Only the moon watched.
Art of the Folked
Psychology is for Psychos
Ever taken a psychology class? I took one as a night class at a community college years ago. The professor...
What is the Difference Between a City and a Town?
A man once asked me what is the difference between a city and a town? A city is bigger I...
Happy Thanksgiving!
Pocahontis 2010 with her free Shop Rite turkey. The 2nd Thanksgiving. Pilgrims vs Native Americans.
Get Your Shits Together
Don’t smoke no more. You gotta get your shits together.
I Guess I Could Be Friends With a Robot
(Click to play audio) Today I met a robot. He has a gun. He shoots the gun, but not at...
Filthy Humans With Horrible Faces
It’s a worldwide epidemic.
Zombie Marlon Marlon Brando Eats Unicorn
Artists rendering of the unreleased final scene from Apocalypse Now where a Zombie Marlon Brando eats a unicorn who simultaneously...
Happy Halloween 2010
HALLOWEEN WISHES FROM CATS THAT SPRAY SOUR EAR BLOOD FROM THEIR MOUTHS. MAY ALL YOUR CANDY BE FULL SIZE AND...
Grampa and the Girl Goggle their Yoohoo FaceBox
Grampa: What are all these broccoli doing here? It’s not Christmas? The girl: Wha? What happened to Midnight? Grampa: He...
Heat Causes Horses to Foam at the Mouth
I like horses. They have shiny teeth. You can feed them sugar cubes. When it gets real hot they get...
You Blew Out My Fuckin’ Eye Drums
Sitting in the dark. Nice and relaxed. You’re both tired. The night is over. You follow her into the next...
I Saw an Ape on the Beach Today
This is the text message that I received from a family member on vacation. I thought it was a joke...
If Billy Wizard and April Had a Baby
This is an artist's rendering of the result of a hypothetical coupling between a fictional character named Billy Wizard, and ...
The Wrestler Genie
Hey! Did you see that movie the Wrestler? Yeah me too. It wasn’t as good as that cartoon back in...
It Come to Work
It wake up. (more…)
Horror Movies, Control Your Volume
Attention horror movie makers. Enough with the loud noises. They are a poor replacement for talent. You probably put those...
“Throw away the Neil Diamond cassette and I’ll go down on you”
As a boy I idolized Fonzie from Happy Days. The Fonz was the coolest guy. He taught me that you...
Black is the New Soylent Green
Pasta Tagliatelle is Black People!?! (more…)
Avatar Suicide Prevention with Billy Wizard
Pants on the ground is a life changing song it helps young people not kill theyselves after seeing Avatar the...
‘Love Me Lincoln’ Newest VH1 Reality Show
‘ Recently re-Animated dead prez Abraham Lincoln is planning on jumping back in the spotlight this spring. In a recent...
UC Irvine Clinic Accused of Illegal Alien Embryo Transfer
A clinic operated by the University of California-Irvine may have been involved in illegal alien embryo transfer in 1998. Records...
Nice Shirt… Do They Make It In Men’s?
I know a guy who gets into a lot of fights, and nearly every story he tells about them contains...
Children Choose Dinosaur Burn Up as Worst Fate
Some say the worst way to go is drowning. I beg to differ, as most kids will tell you...
Strange Figure Shakes the Giant Hand
I have a cool jacket with white spots on it.
Skeleton Back
You never come back from being a skeleton back.
Turkeyman: Curse of the Wereturkey
The wereturkey is an American beast, born in Plimoth, 1621 during the first Thanksgiving dinner. When Edward Winslow, leader of...
God and Baby Jesus
“Hi Dad” “Hi little guy”
Rainbows In Her Brain Meats
Once again we are graced with a reader's submission from 7 year old Fritzy McGee. Fritzy writes: "Sometimes when I...
My Rat Water Just Broke!
The upcoming 2010 sequel to the not-quite-cult-classic rat-zombie movie Mulberry Street features a cameo role by Tori Spelling. Spelling...
Happy One Year Anniversary! EMToast
Click to check out the EMToast Year One Retrospective.
Parenting IS for everybody, even people who hate kids
He kind of makes you feel sad like that song about the electric bear from The Notwist. His parents had...
Uncle Hot Dogs is Back
When the eyes of Uncle Hot Dogs look into your soul, you know that you have been chosen by a...
Jealous Horse Loses Eye, Rainbow Horn Unicorn to Blame
A unicorn is a wonderful thing. The very best unicorns have rainbow horns and like to drive around in cars...
Fuck You Genie
Sometimes somebody you know is harassing the fuck out of you and keeps calling you day and night and you...
Laser Dog Protects Billy Wizard’s Shit
Billy Wizard and Laser Dog Sent in by 7 year old Fritzy McGee of Lansing Michigan (more…)
Dirty Germs With Comb Overs
Readers submission from Fritzy McGee (age 7) of Lansing Michigan (more…)
help me i am so sick i think i have wet tail
Wet tail is a terrible affliction that can infect your pet hamster or even cartoon mice. Beware the wet tail. ...
I Ate My Dentist
These days you just never know who is going to cannibalize you. This kid looks all innocent until he opens...
Roll Out Your Favorite Head
Inspired by the song Hall of Heads by They Might Be Giants although the lyric is actually roll out that...
Hidden van Gogh Painting Discovered in Berlin Museum
Mens van de Ezels de Slepende Hond By Theodore van Gogh Curators at the Staatliche Museen zu Berlin have discovered...
Pervert Breaks in House and Ruins Easter
Little Billy and Suzy came running downstairs first thing in the morning in search of their Easter baskets. Only to...
Art of the Folked: I’m Not Emo I’m Goth, Right?
I’m Not Emo, I’m Goth, Right? – By Micheloebangelo
