“If I see her in the store, I’ll just yell RAPE! and run away”
On encountering old co-workers.
bixby
“I’ll kill the shit out of you”
In a non-threatening way.
Cold Eared Bunnies in Loaf Position
“The Air conditioning was cranked so high, I came home to cold eared bunnies in loaf position in August”
“I did not know that in 2005 they found his body…”
I did not know that in 2005 they found his body in a Connecticut field with his throat slit. Charles...
Your World is Covered in Dog Diarrhea
your world is covered in dog diarrhea
Medieval Illiterate Homeless People Were Fooky
Thous ist homeless and shall work for morsels sir. Wilst work for Morsels. George Will Slept Here and he will...
Your Eyes Look Like They Smell Like Corn
Your Eyes Look Like They Smell Like Corn
Stephen Hawking’s 911 Call “My God! The Squatches Are Upon Us”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iZ3qfJ0I8g&context=C33c1b66ADOEgsToPDskJDf0RUsnvuKSGguoKOxdSZ Video above, and below is the transcript of Steven Hawking's terrifying 911 call during his ordeal in a squatch...
Wax Bag: So You Don’t Have To Stay Home And Bleed
In the great year of 1978, women were freed from their bloody bondage by the invention of a simple wax...
Dear Stinkbug, I Love You, Now Die
Dear Stinkbug, I do not appreciate coming home to find you on my toothbrush. Since you touched it, I am...
The Wall Chickens: Return of the Heart Kitten
Day 1: I woke up this morning to the sound of birds pecking inside of my walls, which was creepy,...
Rule #2073: Never Lie to Your Kids
Don’t lie to kids or withhold the truth from them. Most little kids are smarter than you give them credit...
Smoking Saves Lives
I just want to say thanks to the drunken asshole, walking down the middle of the road at night wearing...
I dreamt I was convicted of being an asshole
i had a dream about satan and some cave that had an outcropping in it that was carved to look...
Peanut Butter Cancer Ban Coming
A new study conducted by Station Park Cancer Hospital has shown that between the years 1973 and 2010 ninety-nine percent...
Author Word Find: Gotta Catch Them All
Find and circle all the famous authors that are hidden on the grid below. Click to enlarge. Don’t blow out...
CHiPs Return! Despite Horse Abuse Allegations
The green revolution is upon us with everything from recycling, reusing, up-cycling and re-purposing. It’s all about what’s old is...
Happy Halloween 2010
HALLOWEEN WISHES FROM CATS THAT SPRAY SOUR EAR BLOOD FROM THEIR MOUTHS. MAY ALL YOUR CANDY BE FULL SIZE AND...
It Come to Work
It wake up. (more…)
Black is the New Soylent Green
Pasta Tagliatelle is Black People!?! (more…)
Avatar Suicide Prevention with Billy Wizard
Pants on the ground is a life changing song it helps young people not kill theyselves after seeing Avatar the...
Chinese Fire Drills Can’t Even Kill A Bitch
(The following excerpt is taken from Ben Franklin's personal diary) "Today Lodi popped into my head. Summer 1979 Lodi, running...
Workplace Mystery #773: Sharing is Creepy
This lady that I work with comes to my deskish area and says, Oh hey I thought of you this...
God and Baby Jesus
“Hi Dad” “Hi little guy”
Rainbows In Her Brain Meats
Once again we are graced with a reader's submission from 7 year old Fritzy McGee. Fritzy writes: "Sometimes when I...
Everything Has Boobs: October is Breast Awareness Month
"Everything has got boobs, even my dad and guys, "exclaims 7 year old Charlie Percheffons, the winner of the October...
September 27th is National Bat Brushing Day
This little known day of celebration gets bat owners and bat lovers alike a chance to celebrate their little flying...
The Chronicles of Coppersmith: One Man’s Terrible Foray into the Territories of Amazon
May 29th 2009 Richard Coppersmith begins his journey into the unknown territories of deepest darkest Amazon with the purchase of...
Happy One Year Anniversary! EMToast
Click to check out the EMToast Year One Retrospective.
Parenting IS for everybody, even people who hate kids
He kind of makes you feel sad like that song about the electric bear from The Notwist. His parents had...
The Super Duper Vegan Egan Power Hour
A rollicking good time for all!! He rides to work in a top hat and tails, his vehicle is a...
Dolphin Seduces Middle Aged Tourists
A teenage dolphin was seen seducing these 2 old tourists. This one tourist was so into dolphins he spent 35...
Horrorscopes for July 2009
Aries- your elderly dad thinks you are an asshole. Prove him right and live down to his expectations dear Aries...
Fuck You Genie
Sometimes somebody you know is harassing the fuck out of you and keeps calling you day and night and you...
Dolphin Rape Caught on Film
Australian tourist, Karl Jurg, captured a horrifying event while vacationing in Florida. (more…)
Scientists Translate Chihuahua Barks
Scientists translate Chihuahua barks - they're saying "I'm a tiny asshole."
Laser Dog Protects Billy Wizard’s Shit
Billy Wizard and Laser Dog Sent in by 7 year old Fritzy McGee of Lansing Michigan (more…)
"Suck My Bolt!" Robot Uprising Begins
The robot uprising has begun. The first soldier in the war against humans was a tiny worker bot named robot...
