9 Year Old Boy Commits Suicide After Learning Mummies Are Real
Lodi, NJ – A 9 year old 5th grader attending Hillstop School in Lodi NJ has committed suicide after a lesson on Egypt and mummies. When the boy’s history teacher began showing the class photos of real mummies from a mummy exhibit he had been to at the De Young Museum in San Fransisco, the boy’s face turned white and he began crying and shaking uncontrollably.
He just kept repeating “Mummies, Mummies, Mummies, No. Mummies Mummies Mummies No! Over and over again.” a fellow classmate told us also stating, “He was a dumbass, he believed anything.”
Teachers sent him home early after the incident, as he would not calm down. After dinner, the boy went into his room, put a plastic bag over his head, and suffocated himself. He left a suicide note which said only “Mummies are real. The world is just too scary to live in.”
Funeral services are to be held Monday morning at Galts Funeral Home. Parents are asked to tell their children that mummies are not real until school officials can figure out a way to explain the tragedy.
The reddit user PT2 has said:
“no fricken’ way …
I wonder if that’s a statistic?
I might start putting up posters in my neighbourhood that say, “Mummies are real!” and see if the suicide rate goes up.”
This is fake. I don’t believe it. It’s way too macabre for a nine-year-old.
I was saddened to find out that 9 year olds actually do commit suicide sometimes.
I believe it! Lodi is a pretty scary place, then you add mummies to the equation and forget it. Game over!
is there a giant retarded halloween cat staring at them from the window?
Of course it’s fake, everything that gets posted on this site is fake.
What isn’t fake is that Randy Stott (the blog’s owner) seems to have a fetish for badly-photoshopped shitstains on women. Why? Who can say. Maybe in his twisted version of reality that counts as hilarious, but I’m guessing he was really masturbating behind his iMac whilst drawing dark, brown blobs on Jennifer Lopez’ ass.
This Randy Stott sounds like a real creep. Especially about the imac thing.
total creep, he probably has people locked in his basement and he makes them fight like giraffes.
who the hell is randy stott?
Ha! I went to that elementary school! But it’s called HillTOP not HillSTOP.
so mummies are real. so what? they don’t do anything but lie there and smell musty.
Tell that to Brendan Fraser.
so mummies are real. big deal.
howdy doody’sreal too.
now THAT’S scary!
Mummies are real, and they are scary. They are also old, lascivious perverts. Stay away from them, they like to do strange things to young boys with their 3,000 year old dried salamis.
Childhood’s a trip.
I got so mad I killed the easter bunny when I found out santa wasn’t real.
I’m still doing community service because of that one.