I Thought the Moon Would Be Safer
Moon of the moon Double Rainbow OMG Moon Man So many rainbow Hangs off Troubling predicament Where are my legs?
Moon of the moon Double Rainbow OMG Moon Man So many rainbow Hangs off Troubling predicament Where are my legs?
Circle all demons. Repair all demons. This is what the management demands. This is what the residents pray for.
Trash milk is the most popular non-dairy milk in the United States. It is rich in several healthy nutrients, but...
“I am mentally decapitated,” she said.
Lozaq the father lived next door to us. He looked like a gentle child molester with light dog shit colored...
Post you guesses below.
“Did you ever hear about the movie less than zero? That's about your brain power.”
I grew in the ghetto of my town, but I never knew it until I read it in the paper...
Whether you're sure someone is dying this year, or you just hope they are, be sure to wish them a...
There’s a new movie out called We Bought a Zoo. You may think it could never happen, but it already...
Forget the tip. We Need Singles & Newport and Gilrfriend. Spotted at Hess Station in Northern NJ.
Tonight at the mall pet store I overheard a woman saying, “Rabbit, your nails are like hypodermic needles. My arm!”...
The ghost of Ronald Reagan is haunting the Whitehouse, quite literally. He first appeared to Obama while he was literally...
Day 1: I woke up this morning to the sound of birds pecking inside of my walls, which was creepy,...
Go pack your cavities with sugar.
On Oct 18, 2011 dozens of wild and dangerous animals were let loose from a private zoo in Zanesville, OH. ...
EMToast contributor Toe Fu has taken on an ambitious photo project for video game shirt company Meat Bun. He's got...
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life ... Never make a pretty woman your wife ......
Facebook sentiment of the year.
Press Release - August 11th, 2011 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE CONTACT: Randall Stott emtoast@emtoast.com.com NEW ‘BLEEP YOUR BOSS’ REALITY SHOW HITS...
Comes a time in a man’s life when he’s got to decide. Alligator or crocodile? Which will I be? I...
These were the final miles of a summer journey. The four passengers consisted of the driver, the girlfriend, the sister,...
I’m 97 years old, and I never heard of cancer until I was 12 years old. My neighbor fell down...
I took my love to a gazebo. We drove past the gazebo. There were no giraffes by this gazebo. (more…)
It’s Friday night and the Dandelions are ready to hit the clubs. It’s just past 12 so all the cool...
How do you know if you’re a hoarder? Here are the 10 telltale signs that indicate hoarding behavior. 1. If...
A local restaurant faxed their lunch menu to the office of a friend with an unusual lunch special– Rip Rourin...
Easter bunny get up this morning and he want hims meat. Them childrens was runnin all around up and down...
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. But what if the eyes you are looking into have...
Winter’s Bone is the title of a movie, but do you know what Winters Bone means? (more…)
The dolphin left his cave in search of human prey. Only the moon watched.
Ever taken a psychology class? I took one as a night class at a community college years ago. The professor...
If there’s one thing I learned from Pac-Man it’s that the fruit is a trap. You might think it’s a...
I emerged this morning from the frost covered cardboard refrigerator box that I now call home. With my first steps...
A man once asked me what is the difference between a city and a town? A city is bigger I...
James Vanderbiek claims he has discovered the reset button for the human soul, and it’s not what you think. Most...
Department store Santa’s are known to victimize and terrorize children and adults alike. The classic image of a child crying...
Don’t smoke no more. You gotta get your shits together.
(Click to play audio) Today I met a robot. He has a gun. He shoots the gun, but not at...
Artists rendering of the unreleased final scene from Apocalypse Now where a Zombie Marlon Brando eats a unicorn who simultaneously...
Evolution, the mysterious force responsible for transforming us from happy-go-lucky banana peeling tree climbers into misery infected cubicle crawling keyboard...
EMToast has obtained exclusive audio of Paris Hilton admitting that she "made out with a monkey." (Click to play audio)...
Grampa: What are all these broccoli doing here? It’s not Christmas? The girl: Wha? What happened to Midnight? Grampa: He...
Alexander Hamilton, our beak nosed fifth president and designer of the 10 dollar bill lives right up the street from...
Before Snookie, The Situation or any of those other Jersey Shore bimbos hit the scene, the ORIGINAL Bimbo 3 Ring...
They say fried food is a killer. I doubt it. The grease is just good for your whole body. (more…)
THINKING... that's how people get killed. A public service statement from EMToast. photo credit: Focal Intent
I like horses. They have shiny teeth. You can feed them sugar cubes. When it gets real hot they get...