Video above, and below is the transcript of Steven Hawking’s terrifying 911 call during his ordeal in a squatch nest:

911 OPERATOR: 911 what’s your emergency?

(Screaming of students)

STEPHEN HAWKING: Oh my god, the squatches are upon us!

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Today I met a robot.  He has a gun.  He shoots the gun, but not at me.  He won’t break the robotic laws because he has good wiring.  He looks at me and beeps.  I don’t know what it means really, but I think he wants to be friends.  I guess I could be friends with a robot.  I mean, why not?

EMToast has obtained exclusive audio of Paris Hilton admitting to friends that she “thinks she is having a robot baby.”

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On the tape Hilton states, “Last week, like i got really really drunk, and this really cute robot started coming on to me.  So like i sort of did him.  Now I’m like three days late.  I think I’m having a robot baby because something is beeping and booping in there.”

We’re not sure, has Paris gone off her rocker, or is there something to this story?

ARIES: Don’t count on getting shit for Christmas, Santa has had it with you. You know, you have been pretty lucky so far,  he hasn’t beat you. You been pretty lucky…remember that.

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