‘Safety First Vigilante’ Terrorizes Local Motorists
‘A new danger on our local roads has been dubbed the “Safety First Vigilante” by those who’ve seen him. He reportedly speeds through traffic on a black unmarked motorcycle wielding a machete in one hand and enforcing the age old rule “Keep your head and arms inside the vehicle at all times.”
Philipp Fuerst, a local man, witnessed the vigilante in action. He stated,”I was on my way home from work. I hit the usual highway traffic and everybody was stopped. In my rear view, I noticed a guy on a black motorcycle driving between the lanes. I was hanging my arm out, but pulled it in before he reached me. I was afraid to get clipped. As he buzzed past my van, I heard a metal pinging against my door and he shouted “Safety First!” Two cars in front of me a kid had his head hanging out the window. Kind of like how the dogs do it. Then I saw the SFV had a machete in his hand. He sliced the kid’s head right off at the top of his neck and yelled something. ‘Inside the vehicle…’ was all I heard. That could have been me. My arm at least. I think that knife was probably what was pinging against my door. I was luckier than that poor kid.”
The attack Mr. Fuerst describes was just one of several strict enforcements the SFV has made in the name of safety in our local area over the past weeks. One of the worst affected was Christi L. Stewart. Miss Stewart was attacked twice. Once as a driver, then again as a passenger on the way home from the hospital.
Steward told us, “I was driving to my friends house. Traffic was slowing down and I had my arm out was just getting ready to ash my cigarette. My friend was texting me, so I didn’t see the guy coming up behind me on the motorcycle. He hit me with the machete and cut my arm off. Somehow I must have rolled out onto the highway. A guy got out of his car and wrapped my arm with his belt to help stop the bleeding. I was in the hospital for almost a week after that. Then when my mom was driving me home… this was stupid and crazy … I was hanging my other arm out the passenger window. I was out of it. On painkillers. The guy on the bike came out of nowhere again and took my other arm. ‘Safety first! ‘, he yelled. I swear I didn’t even feel it. The biker somehow caught my arm as it fell off. I don’t understand how, but he smirked at me and threw it back and onto my lap car saying ‘Keep your arms inside the vehicle.’ What I really don’t get is why the hospital couldn’t re-attach either arm. I’m trying to ask my Mom if we can go north where they have better hospitals because that’s just ridiculous.”
These are just two of dozens of cases where severed limbs, heads, and hands have been reported. State and Local police are advising all drivers to keep their hands and arms inside their vehicles and if they spot the SFT to report it immediately.
Photo by Neil. Moralee 
