The Chronicles of Coppersmith: One Man’s Terrible Foray into the Territories of Amazon

May 29th 2009
Richard Coppersmith begins his journey into the unknown territories of deepest darkest Amazon with the purchase of a book, “Poor House Fair” by John Updike. He is patient and remains steadfast on his course for several days.

June 1st 2009
Coppersmith is upbeat and looking forward to the rewards at the end of his journey.

June 5th 2009
On the seventh day of his journey as if a gift from God, Coppersmith receives a package.
He is glad of its arrival but with it comes the first seeds of doubt.

“Where is Poor House Fair” this is “Of the Farm”?

This package is a book ordered by Coppersmith from a different seller than the one that sold him “Poor House Fair”. At the time Coppersmith does not realize this, perhaps he never realized this.  Perhaps the heat and fetid darkness of Amazon had begun to take affect on his brainmeat.

June 15th 2009
Coppersmith wants his journey to end, but still remains patient and vigilant to his cause.

June 22nd 2009
Twenty-five days into his journey the seeds of doubt begin to poke through the surface. This doubt begins to cloud Coppersmith’s judgment, paranoia sets in and he starts to think that perhaps his trek onto the darkest Amazon may be his undoing.  Frantically he makes an inquiry.

RE: poorhome fair

Sir or Madam,

I recently ordered OFF THE FARM and POORHOME FAIR, but so far have received only the former. When can I expect to receive the second book?

Thanks,

Richard Coppersmith

It is evident from his writing that this journey has taken its toll on his brain as he has gotten both book titles horribly wrong.

June 23rd 2009
Coppersmith receives a response.  Albeit unsatisfactory.

re:poorhouse fair

Hello Richard Coppersmith,
The book that you purchased last month was sent out on  May 31st. You should be receiving it soon.

Thank you,
Valencia Pittman

June 24th 2009
Coppersmith replies.

Hello Valencia Pittman

Thanks for the update, but the shipping order made no mention of shipping POORHOUSE FAIR, only OFF THE FARM.

Sincerely,
Richard Coppersmith

It seems that Coppersmith had a brief moment of lucidity, he got one of the book titles correct.  Being that Valencia Pittman only sold him “Poor House Fair” and is not responsible for any transactions regarding “Of the Farm” she sends no response.  Her first one would have been sufficient for any sane person.

June 26th 2009
Coppersmith has not received a response to his inquiry.  Doubt has now been replaced by rage.

June 27th 2009
Coppersmith fires off an angry communication

I never received the book. Where the hell is it? If this is the kind of slipshod service you provide, you ahve lost a customer.

The ravages of heat and the fecund nature of Amazon have seriously taken their toll on Coppersmith he has begun to lose all sense of decorum and spelling.  With that kind of language Valencia offers no response.

June 28th 2009

Having received no response to his filth-laden inquiry Coppersmith is enraged and feels he has been treated in a cavalier fashion. He demands answers.

I placed my order on or about May 29th, 2009. To date, I have still not received POORHOUSE FARM and you have not contacted me about the order. I would appreciate it if you contacted me, and even more if uou sent me the book in question. As it is, I feel you have treated me in an utterly cavalier fashion. If this is the way you usually do business, you can forget about mine from now on.

June 28th 2009
Coppersmith receives a response, at first it seems as if it is a light beaming out of the darkness; but then it burns him.

Dear Sir,

I responded to your first inquiry, on June 23rd, as to when your book was shipped. Your book was sent out, I’m sorry that you have not received it yet. I have no control over the postal service and how long it takes them to deliver. I did not respond to your last email, as I do not care for such foul language.

Thank you,
Valencia Pittman

June 29th 2009
Coppersmith is unsatisfied with this response and leaves terrible feedback on Valencia Pittman’s store. He sends her an email.

Sir,

I see I am not going to get any satisfaction from you. The book did not arrive during the time period you specified it would. It seems to me you are obligated, at least ethically, to find out what happened to it and to make restitution, whether of the book I ordered or the amount I paid for it. I fear, howeve,r that you will ignore this message. So be it. You have been cavalier in the extreme in this entire transaction, and as a result Amazon has lost a customer. As for my foul language, I apologize, but sir, you have tried my patience in the extreme.

Richard Coppersmith

June 29th was not one of his lucid days as he referred to Valencia Pittman as “sir” and begins to show signs of irrationality in that he believes his patience has been tried in the extreme, Coppersmith is losing touch with reality.

June 30th 2009
Coppersmith receives a reply

Dear Sir,

Had you contacted me prior to leaving negative feedback I would have been more than happy to resolve the issue with you. Remove your negative feedback and I can issue you a refund or send you another book. Otherwise there is nothing more that I can do for you.

Good Day Sir

June 30th 2009
Coppersmith is delusional and sends out an email referring back to some communication that never occurred, referencing a book that was never purchased from Valencia Pittman that he claims she sent him in two days.

Dear Sir,

When I tried to contact someone about the order, I was informed the window for delivery ended on February 20th, which seemed extraordinarily long to me, since the other book I ordered from you arrived within two days. I was told there was nothing I could do but be patient when it was obvious to me the book was never going to arrive. However, I will remove the negative feedback, if possible.

Richard Coppersmith

July 1st 2009
Coppersmith mustered enough strength to remove the feedback and send out an email, which would be his last.

Sir,

the negative feedback is gone. I’d like my copy of POORHOmE FAIR.

Richard Coppersmith

Richard Coppersmith never received his copy of “Poorhouse Fair”.  He also never received a refund and was never heard from again. If Richard Coppersmith had understood Amazon and its ways, he may have survived his purchase.  Let this be a lesson to you.  There are many sellers on Amazon, and the sooner you learn to navigate those dark waters the better apt you will be to survive the dark journey that Coppersmith never came back from. He was swallowed up alive in the thick black evil that is the Amazon Market Place.

The moral of the story is that sometimes Amazon marketplace sellers like to fuck with you because you are a dick.  They never sent your book out, they have no intention of ever sending your book out, they will pretend that maybe the postal service lost your book and they will act like they are going to go out of their way to send you another copy of the book which is infact the original which was never sent out in the first place. Leaving negative feedback is the equivalent of a mouse shouting at a lion, give it up my friend, take your good day sir and go because they just don’t care and you will never win, because you are a dick and you will always be a dick.