EMToast: The Complete Ebook 2008-2023
It's finally here! The 2,606 page Ebook you've been waiting for! The entire EMToast.com archive including all comments. EMToast.com 2024Download...
Bixby
Husband Throws up in Sink Everyday for 40 Years — What Doctors and Plumbers Find Is Astounding!
By: shira gal We never had no problems with our drain. You could put anything down there and it would...
Gratitude: A Failed Endeavor
So ...I was like yeah I'm going to read this inspirational article about gratitude and learn something and maybe see...
Stop Shivering like a Shitting Dog
Today it rain. I did not say dry and Billy Wizard said to me stop shivering like a shitting dog.
"Don’t Be A Nunsk" Billboard Sneak Preview
This is the sneak preview of the “Don't Be A Nunsk” Billboard to be rolled out late Fall. Artwork for...
“No Doy” Cat Billboard Sneak Preview
This fall EMToast will begin a Billboard marketing campaign in select cities. This is the sneak preview of the “No...
Mentally Decapitated
“I am mentally decapitated,” she said.
Your Dog Has a Bitter Voice
"Excuse me, but your dog has a bitter voice, a very bitter voice. It cuts right through me."
“Quick like a bunny.”
Klaus described in great detail how he was going to engineer a car that ran solely on blood, human...
Cold Eared Bunnies in Loaf Position
“The Air conditioning was cranked so high, I came home to cold eared bunnies in loaf position in August”
“I did not know that in 2005 they found his body…”
I did not know that in 2005 they found his body in a Connecticut field with his throat slit. Charles...
Medieval Illiterate Homeless People Were Fooky
Thous ist homeless and shall work for morsels sir. Wilst work for Morsels. George Will Slept Here and he will...
Your Eyes Look Like They Smell Like Corn
Your Eyes Look Like They Smell Like Corn
Stephen Hawking’s 911 Call “My God! The Squatches Are Upon Us”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iZ3qfJ0I8g&context=C33c1b66ADOEgsToPDskJDf0RUsnvuKSGguoKOxdSZ Video above, and below is the transcript of Steven Hawking's terrifying 911 call during his ordeal in a squatch...
Wax Bag: So You Don’t Have To Stay Home And Bleed
In the great year of 1978, women were freed from their bloody bondage by the invention of a simple wax...
Happy Belated 3rd Birthday EMToast!
You were scraped out of my mind 3 yrs and 2 months ago.
Dear Stinkbug, I Love You, Now Die
Dear Stinkbug, I do not appreciate coming home to find you on my toothbrush. Since you touched it, I am...
The Wall Chickens: Return of the Heart Kitten
Day 1: I woke up this morning to the sound of birds pecking inside of my walls, which was creepy,...
Happy Halloween
Go pack your cavities with sugar.
Rule #2073: Never Lie to Your Kids
Don’t lie to kids or withhold the truth from them. Most little kids are smarter than you give them credit...
Ohio Ban Exotic Monsters NOW!
On Oct 18, 2011 dozens of wild and dangerous animals were let loose from a private zoo in Zanesville, OH. ...
Smoking Saves Lives
I just want to say thanks to the drunken asshole, walking down the middle of the road at night wearing...
I dreamt I was convicted of being an asshole
i had a dream about satan and some cave that had an outcropping in it that was carved to look...
My baby pooped itself. Fuck you.
Facebook sentiment of the year.
Peanut Butter Cancer Ban Coming
A new study conducted by Station Park Cancer Hospital has shown that between the years 1973 and 2010 ninety-nine percent...
Doctors Invented Cancer in 1926
I’m 97 years old, and I never heard of cancer until I was 12 years old. My neighbor fell down...
Author Word Find: Gotta Catch Them All
Find and circle all the famous authors that are hidden on the grid below. Click to enlarge. Don’t blow out...
CHiPs Return! Despite Horse Abuse Allegations
The green revolution is upon us with everything from recycling, reusing, up-cycling and re-purposing. It’s all about what’s old is...
Top 10 Signs That You Are a Hoarder
How do you know if you’re a hoarder? Here are the 10 telltale signs that indicate hoarding behavior. 1. If...
Life in the Box. Failed Experiment Number One
I emerged this morning from the frost covered cardboard refrigerator box that I now call home. With my first steps...
Department Store Santa’s Hurtful Words Scar Children
Department store Santa’s are known to victimize and terrorize children and adults alike. The classic image of a child crying...
Happy Thanksgiving!
Pocahontis 2010 with her free Shop Rite turkey. The 2nd Thanksgiving. Pilgrims vs Native Americans.
Filthy Humans With Horrible Faces
It’s a worldwide epidemic.
Zombie Marlon Marlon Brando Eats Unicorn
Artists rendering of the unreleased final scene from Apocalypse Now where a Zombie Marlon Brando eats a unicorn who simultaneously...
Happy Halloween 2010
HALLOWEEN WISHES FROM CATS THAT SPRAY SOUR EAR BLOOD FROM THEIR MOUTHS. MAY ALL YOUR CANDY BE FULL SIZE AND...
You Blew Out My Fuckin’ Eye Drums
Sitting in the dark. Nice and relaxed. You’re both tired. The night is over. You follow her into the next...
Nonsense is the New Making Sense at UC Berkeley
Nonsense is the new making sense. At least at UC Berkeley Dept of Psychology where Professors Tania Griffith and Tomas...
If Billy Wizard and April Had a Baby
This is an artist's rendering of the result of a hypothetical coupling between a fictional character named Billy Wizard, and ...
The Wrestler Genie
Hey! Did you see that movie the Wrestler? Yeah me too. It wasn’t as good as that cartoon back in...
It Come to Work
It wake up. (more…)
Horror Movies, Control Your Volume
Attention horror movie makers. Enough with the loud noises. They are a poor replacement for talent. You probably put those...
“Throw away the Neil Diamond cassette and I’ll go down on you”
As a boy I idolized Fonzie from Happy Days. The Fonz was the coolest guy. He taught me that you...
