Strange Currency Discovered In Pennsylvannia

Intercourse,PA October 15, 2008

Fritz Jacobs,owner of Jacob’s Country Market, made a puzzling discovery after investigating complaints from customers that his vending machines had taken their money and produced no goods. After the seventh refund in one day he decided to investigate the machine. Upon opening the machine he discovered it was filled with tiny hamsters.

He said , “I opened it up and could not believe what I was seeing there were tiny hamsters crawling around inside the coin holder. I can’t even imagine how they got in there. Someone has to be putting them in there. A hamster isn’t going to crawl in there on its own, there is nothing in there for them, it’s just coke, its not like there’s trail mix or something.”

Three days later a customer came in and told Fritz that he lost his money in the vending machine. He opened it up and again the coin holder was filled with tiny hamsters.

Jacobs decided to set up video surveillance to find out how these little rodents were getting inside his vending machine.

He told reporters that, “When we cleared them out of there the first time there were 36 in all. The second time there were 27. That’s a lot of hamsters to pull out of a coin slot. I needed to find out how these little things were getting in there, so I went on that internet and got some of those spy cameras.”

For two weeks the vending machine was watched and there was no sign of hamsters, until a youngAmish boy came inside and asked for change and handed over some hamsters.

”I was so shocked I couldn’t even speak, but I think I was more relieved than anything because I had no idea what I was going to do with all those hamsters if it kept up. I mean who do you call for that? Animal control? I have no idea.”

It turns out there is a rogue sect of the Amish called hamminites who have been using hamsters as currency since the mid 1950’s. There are several isolated hamminite communities spread throughout Pennsylvania and eastern Ohio. It is only in recent years that they have begun coming into towns and mixing with the local population in the market place.Before that they were completely unknown to the mainstream population

Jacobs told theboy to leave his store.

“I said kid what are you crazy putting live hamsters in my vending machine! Get out of here. Take your hamsters and go!”

16 year old Enos Kridlegh said, “ We aren’t going anywhere until you take our hamsters, Our currency is as good as yours, English.” The boy then sat on the curb outside of the store where he was joined by a group of Amish children.

Jacobs said, “so he goes outside andthen this Amish girl pulls out a cellphone and called her dad. I didn’t even know they had towers way out where they come from. They sat outside the store until he arrived in this buggy and the guy comes in here with a horse whip and demands that I accepts hamsters for cokes, and I said no way buddy, you can get your cokes with hamsters down at the Kroger’s maybe but not here.”

Fritz Jacobs remark and steadfast determination not to accept hamsters caused a bit of an uproar in the hamminite community.

Jacobs later said that, “The guy and the kids left, but then they came back with a whole crowd, So I got out the bat I keep behind the counter and that got rid of them, because the Amish are peaceful and clear off when it comes to fighting.”

Enoch Kridlegh, the father of the boy involved in the incident made a statement to the press, which is virtually unheard of for the Amish

“You English are so wasteful and violent in your ways. Our currency is good, it is the way ofGod. He provides for us and those provisions multiplyof themselves.We don’t need banks to make our savings grow, we do not need machines to store our money. Our currency does not feed on greed and sadness, it feeds on peanuts and grain. We have more riches than you could ever imagine, We are sad for you and your Godless ways.”

That was 3 months ago and Fritz hasn’t had anymore hamsters in his vending machine.

“I don’t know if it was the bat or the sign we put on the vending machine, but there haven’t been anymore hamsters in there, poor little guys, I could get the PETA after those people if they try it again, it’s just plain wrong.”

When asked what became of the hamsters Jacobs said, “we couldn’t part with one of them, my kids just fell in love with them , and hey you never know, if that whole hamster money thing catches on we could be rich.”