Paris Hilton’s Former Pet Monkey Arrested

Boston, MA—Baby Luv, former designer pet to socialite Paris Hilton was arrested earlier this month in connection with the brutal slaying of a Toronto boy.

Baby Luv has a long history of violent outbursts beginning with the 2005 Agent Provocateur incident where Baby Luv “flew into a rage, screaming at Hilton then biting her and clawing at her face” and destroyed most of the designer boutique in the process.

Baby Luv in 2003 Before Meeting Hilton

After countless run ins with the law, even the Hilton’s fortunes weren’t enough to avoid The monkey’s eventual confiscation and deportation to Kenya.

Once Baby Luv retuned to the Kenyan jungles, he had difficulty adjusting the the outdoor lifestyle . Eventually he  hooked up with Colorful Monkeys Gang leader Big Bonobo Billings (Pictured Below) who took him under his wing.

Big Bonobo Billings

Baby Luv’s ruthless nature, and lack of gratitude toward Big Bonobo led to an eventual power grab where he Luv gained control of the Colorful Monkeys.  Luv worked tirelessly to expand the group from the usual 60-70 members to a massive 300.

He then used the gang’s numbers to attempt  to take control of Kenyan village of Nachu, just south-west of Kikuyu. They began by harassing and mocking women in the village, then to invading farms and taking control of village crop supplies.

Baby Luv has a taste for human women and taught his gang to sexually harass them,  which on several occasions nearly led to the rape of village women.

“The monkeys grab their breasts, and gesture at us while pointing at their private parts. We are afraid that they will sexually harass us,” said Mrs Njeri.

Officials are unsure how or why Baby Luv chose to return to the US.  A Kenyan/Canadian human trafficking operation are among possible causes.  His latest arrest however was in connection to the brutal slaying of a Toronto boy Baby Luv claims “looked at him wrong.”