Jesus Loves You… Baby All Night Yeah

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Jesus Really Loves You

A shocking and offensive ad campaign has been rolled out across 18 Catholic universities in the United States featuring a Jesus figure in sexually provocative poses and situations.  The first in a series of three advertisements appearing thus far shows a provocatively posed Jesus like figure saying “Come on baby… condoms are for heathens.” 

Another shows a Jesus like figure saying, “Where would I be if my Dad had used a condom?”

Where Would I be if God used a Condom

The third shows a temptress saying, “Come back! Please… it’s just a little condom.”

And a Jesus like figure pushing her away with his hand saying, “Be gone heathen temptress! Catholics do it raw dog!”

After a public outcry, the group responsible for the posters “The Catholic Sexual Actions Commission” issued the following statement:

Catholics Do It Raw Dog

“We are responsible for these advertisements.  The figure in the photos is not Jesus.  This man in the photos simply represents the sexual embodiment of the Catholic Church.   He is a man who is so close to God that he has taken on the appearance of his son.  A man who like Jesus does not succumb to the devilish temptations of the condom.  This will speak to hearts and minds of the young people on campus.  They must remember, if you are unmarried and your partner suggests using a condom, you must consult with the clergy.   As Catholics, sex outside of marriage is not possible.  If your partner is suggesting condom use at the pre-marriage stage, you must consult the clergy.  Only your clergy can to advise you if dating this person will result in an unholy union.   If you are married and your partner is suggesting to use a condom, they are likely infected with AIDS attempting to hide the infection.  You are most likely already infected by the virus, but do not forget you are still not infected by wicked prophylactics. Protect your soul and do not under any circumstance use a condom.”

The Vatican has yet to comment whether it supports the commission or the ad campaign.

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15 thoughts on “Jesus Loves You… Baby All Night Yeah

  1. It is imperative to note that this representation is not the Son of God. Also, wicked prophylactics are powerless against Immaculate Conception.

    Note that the term AIDS was used as a generic term for crotch cooties. The Good Lord has spared most unholy boy/girl coitus from the disease properly called GRIDS. Bareback intercourse is a gift reserved for married catholic couples. Enjoy the barrier bumping, heathens!

  2. You all better stop commenting on my father i may not take a back step to even kill any1 for making sum jokes lyk dis on my father …..nyways you`ll are accountable foe this…

      1. You are a mother fucker creep….Cowardly bunch of filth….If you will say that on my face i will surely kill you……… JESUS IS NOT HIS FATHER…BUT I AM YOUR FATHER…..;)

  3. you are really bad persons…you are so weak…can you all arrive to the sky??…when it rain can you stop it?… can you stop the sun from rises?…can you arrive to jesus??…you are really weak persons…jesus is your father and virgin mary is your mother…and you cannot do anything…jesus loves you…but devil want you…can you change the color for the sky?…can you empty the ocean or the sea??..nothing you can do…all this things god has create them all jesus’s FATHER…YOU WEAK PEOPLES…god forgive them because they don’t know what are they doing

    1. If Jesus is my father, and the Virgin mary is my mother then I must be the product of incestuous immaculate conception.

      By the way, God forgave me, then I did it again. And guess what? He forgave me again. The guy in the sky is great!

    1. Charbel Rafqa Naamtallah….I love your name it’s sounds pretty, and it’s very cultural. 🙂 <3 If only I new how to say it.

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