I Beefed One Out

Doctors should know that prescribing certain blood pressure pills to overweight patients with excessive body body hair will cause an overflow of sweat. Patients in this group are affected by strong, soaking sweats that can even cause salt stains to appear on their clothing.

Affected patients must develop a humor mechanism in to survive daily societal interactions.

One such man, a truck driver, endured the constant ridicule of co-workers who called him “Soggy Bear”

The patient, X, overcame the mockery by forcing great soaking hugs upon his abusers, or by rubbing the side of his sweat saturated shoulder against them in soggy protest.  He displayed his salt stained shirts proudly as a sign no hard work by hanging them to dry like flags from from truck cab mirrors

Patient X was also a naturally flatulent fellow.  He incorporated this feature into his persona.  As part of his humor mechanism, whenever he passed gas he would exclaim, “I beefed one out.”

This humorous phase was often misunderstood by others.  In one particular case, the patient enthusiastically bear hugged a new co-worker from behind and sweatily bent him over the table while doing so.

The patient was attempting to establish social dominance for fear of the new person becoming another tormentor at work, however he went too far.

The young man screamed in terror, “Help! He’s trying to beef me out!”

The two settled out of court. Patient X began seeking homeopathic treatment for his conditions and is now perspiration free.