Folgers Crystals Are Life Crystals

Folgers crystals are life crystals.  Don’t let nobody tell you different. When I was having that heart attack, I put those crystals under my tongue and let them absorb right into my blood.  My heart jump started right back to normal. When I was getting those blood clots in my legs the doctor was trying to operate on me and I rubbed the Folgers on my leg,  and stuffed my socks with Folgers crystals.  After a week my clots was cured.

I’m telling you. Having trouble digesting?  Put Folgers on everything you eat like salt and pepper.

Got a toothache?  Pack your cheeks with Folgers like a chipmunk. After a while, the tooth will come right out.  It won’t even hurt.

Diabetes?  Strokes?  Wheezing?  Blurry Vision?  Folgers cures it.

Now where’s my pants?  I had a new pair right in here.  Your mother musta moved it.  God dammit.  Where’s my new dungarees.  They were right here.  She puts it away and you can never find it again.

Don’t worry about it?  Don’t worry about it?!  It’s my house and I’m gonna worry about it.  You don’t tell me not to worry about it.  We got a ghost in this house.