Doomsday Formula

Mix one parts 28 Days Later, one part Return of the Living Dead, one part Excalibur, and one part Escape from New York.  Mix it all together and what do you think you get?

Right, one hell of a bad movie.

I’ll give you a quick rundown to save you the trouble of  wasting your time watching it.  Just like in 28 Days Later, the people of a British Isle get infected with a virus (1 pt 28DL.) that kills them.  Sadly they leave the good part out and it doesn’t make them into zombies.  Stereotypically evil leaders wall the place off to protect the outside world from the virus, killing everyone inside.  A little girl gets shot in the eye and then escapes on a helicopter.

Fast forward thirty-five years and the helicopter brings the girl back grown up and ready to kick some infectee ass. As it turns out, not everyone inside the walls is dead.  The evil leaders figured out there was an immunity cell in the blood of the survivors, so they sent the girl in.  Like Snake Pliskin from Escape from NY (1 pt EFNY) the one eyed girl is on a mission to bring back a human specimen. Except she doesn’t need to wear an eye pach, she has a robot eye that she likes to let roll around in the dirt before she pops it back in her socket.

Inside the walled in city we find 2 groups at war.  One group is a bunch of punk rock barbarians (1 pt ROTLD). The other group are like the knights of the round table complete with horses, armor, and a castle (1 pt Excalibur). 

Keep in mind, this is the future.  It’s 2045 and we are to believe that everyone inside the walls thought it was a good idea to return to living like either medieval times or a barbarian version of 1976.  I don’t really get it, but it makes me wonder if there was a third group of future guys who were smart enough to hide underground from these idiots like the underground people of Beneath the Planet of the Apes.

The movie then has a lot of boring fights and basically everyone gets killed. Tthe one eye girl finds a car inside of a wood crate buried in a fallout shelter that after 35 years sill runs great and still has shiny paint.  Also the roads are perfect.  Better than the streets outside my house. Britain must have some fantastic asphalt.  One eye brings some other girl back to the helicopter to cure the world with a guy who fell in love with her when he fell on her in a train.Then the one eye girl goes back to become the leader of the punks.

It’s as ridiculous as it sounds.  And I’m leaving out the part of the scientist who becomes a king and has a wizard and a jester and a knight.  I am a fan of bad b-movies, but this wasn’t even bad enough to be good.

I give it 1 out of 5 fucked up toasts.