Dear Dr. Even a Zombie Has More Energy than Me

This is “Ask the Doctor” where readers ask questions of the world renounced general practitioner Dr. Charles V. Fullerton.

Dear Dr.  I feel barely alive.  Even a zombie has more energy than me.  What do I do? –Voodoo Corpse

Dear Voodoo: You may suffer from several things.  It could be depression.  Mononucleosis, chronic fatigue syndrome, or maybe all of the above.  Starting today you must begin smoking to packs of Newport 100’s and at least 40 oz of coffee per day.  This will pep you up enough to make it through the day.  Like many ailments, their is no cure for what you have.  You must endure and suffer.  The cigarettes and coffee will help.   Avoid drinking and other drugs.  Do not exercise.  That will only make you more tired and wear out your joints.

Photo by Felix42 contra la censura