Hidden van Gogh Painting Discovered in Berlin Museum
Mens van de Ezels de Slepende Hond By Theodore van Gogh
Curators at the Staatliche Museen zu Berlin have discovered an unknown impressionist painting by van Gogh – Theodore van Gogh, brother of Vincent. Charles Alfred Frans Robie ph.D, a visiting official from the Belgian Museum of Radiology noticed the painting hanging in the men’s room of the German institution. While passing a kidney stone, he stared at the painting and noticed the name van Gogh in tiny letters beneath the wolf’s tail hole.
“I hadn’t even zipped up my trousers yet and went running out. Don’t you realize what you have here? It’s a van Gogh! Why is it above a urinal?” said Frans Robie.
Dr. Bel Biuv De Veux of the Staatliche could only offer the following explanation for the gaffe. “The works of Theodore van Gogh have been shunned by art critics for more than a century, and the placement of the painting was probably intended as an insult by a deceased female curator who was poisoned.”
Museum officials have investigated the case, but there are no records remaining from the 1800’s which could shed light on the mystery.
This previously unknown masterpiece captures the essence of his brother’s supposed lycanthropic years. According to local legend, In 1889 Theodore discovered his brother feasting on the body of a live sheep outside their village home. The painter had been attacked by a werewolf days earlier. His ear had been bitten off and he was infected him with “the curse.” Vincent only lived for one tortured year as a wolf man, but during that year he inspired his little brother to take brush in hand. He said, “Teddy learn from me. Lock me away and learn from me at every full moon.”
Now the painting has a place of honor in the main galleries.
That story was too hairy and “wered” for me.
that curator was poisoned
Never trust a big butt and smile
Oh yeah break it down
looks more like a werebear.
Theo Van Gogh was a big shot Parisian art dealer, but he hid Vincent’s paintings under the couch and would occasionally use them to swat flies.
Once after swatting a particularly obese and juicy fly that had landed an exceptionally wealthy client’s head, the client noticed the painting and asked who was responsible.
Theo answered that it was painted by a mentally retarded chimpanzee who was insane from syphillys. The client enthusiatically traded a couple rolls of coarse Victorian toilet paper for it and proudly hung in his servants’ bathroom where it still can be seen to this very day.
True story. Google it.
It all checks out.
In a related story; The Zombie Van Gogh has struck again killing another successful contemporary Post Modern Expressionist artist in New York.
Erich Fischl, the painter, was found this morning in his penthouse apartment with his neck broken and his brains sucked out. The brains were discovered spit out over Fischl’s collection of African fetishes.
Police are presently investigating it as another Van Gogh homicide, and explain that Fischl’s brains were spit out by the zombie of the 19th century artist because he thought they ‘tasted awful’.
Works by the zombie Van Gogh fetch high prices at auction and are coveted by collectors of the macabre. He has had an enthusiastic cult following for well over a century now. His works usually depict portraits of rotting corpses festering in the moonlight, or landscapes of ornate cemeteries. This has lead many art historians to the mistaken conclusion that Van Gogh had, in fact, become a ghoul, but, like the rumor that he is a vampire, this has been proven false based on his post mortem modus operandi of sucking out the brains of his victims, which are generally successful contemporary artists, dealers, or gallery owners.
Police are presently interviewing possible witnesses who were in the lobby of Fischl’s building the night of the incident.