The Great Forgetting: Is Our Existence Truly Meaningful?
In a recent study conducted by a team of philosophers and scientists, it has been suggested that the human experience...
Curious Ideas
Ten Crazy and Hilarious Ways to Avoid Work in the Office: You Won’t Believe #7!
Are you feeling uninspired and looking for ways to avoid work when there's nothing to do? Here are ten funny...
Hulk With or Without Moustache?
Which monster is more handsome?
WARNING! 6roguepackets .emtoast! rootdll! plock@mm.exe.virus
WARNING!6roguepackets.emtoast!rootdll!plock@mm.exe.virus has infected your mind ware. Do you want to clean it? CLICK HERE
I Got the Lee Bannon Virus On My Computers
Photo by James Nash (aka Cirrus) I gotta run my J Dilla scanner to delete this Lee Bannon virus.
Gratitude: A Failed Endeavor
So ...I was like yeah I'm going to read this inspirational article about gratitude and learn something and maybe see...
Ladie’s Self Defense Lesson #2
Use the buddy system. You don’t have to outrun the date rapist, just your girlfriend.
Do This Next Time Your Man Gives You Flowers and His Heart will Detonate
If a man gives you flowers, thank him, blow your nose, and tell him the flowers smell of piss. -...
Beware the One Who Is Always There to Wipe Away Your Tears
Beware the one who is always there to wipe away your tears. – An Old West Dakotan Proverb
What Happens If an Ignoramus Discovers Intelligence?
"If an ignoramus discovered intelligence, he would be an intellectual ignoramus." -- Racter, Artificial Intelligence Program.
Honey can kill babies. But it can’t kill me!
Michael Jackson Was a poor father, but liked to say this to his kids for encouragement... "A bee gave me...
Your Eyes Will Pop out When You See Crusty Cringle the Disgusting Santa Claus
Crusty Cringle the disgusing Santa Claus with the milk crusted coat is coming to our local area. Make sure you...
What Do Reindeer Dream About?
What do reindeer dream about? Brittle old people bones. So says the oracle. Photo by MarioMancuso
How to Eat a Dry Twig
Tambako the Jaguar Step 1: Eat the dry twig. (Put a dry twig between your teeth and chew a dry...
How to Eat a Fresh Fig
Gudlyf Step 1: Eat the fresh fig. (Put a fresh fig between your teeth and chew a fresh fig) Congratulations...
Happy Final Birthday!
Whether you're sure someone is dying this year, or you just hope they are, be sure to wish them a...
I overheard some hipsters talking about VHS tapes
I overheard some hipsters talking at the flea market. The one hipster says to the other hipster , “One thing...
The Fruit is a Trap
If there’s one thing I learned from Pac-Man it’s that the fruit is a trap. You might think it’s a...
Mama’s Been So Fat, Since Daddy Learned to Fry
They say fried food is a killer. I doubt it. The grease is just good for your whole body. (more…)
THINKING…That’s How People Get Killed
THINKING... that's how people get killed. A public service statement from EMToast. photo credit: Focal Intent
I Saw an Ape on the Beach Today
This is the text message that I received from a family member on vacation. I thought it was a joke...
The Wrestler Genie
Hey! Did you see that movie the Wrestler? Yeah me too. It wasn’t as good as that cartoon back in...
Horror Movies, Control Your Volume
Attention horror movie makers. Enough with the loud noises. They are a poor replacement for talent. You probably put those...
Jesus Saved Me… from Getting Kicked Out of Community College
Children's Literature is the last course I ever imagined I'd take. Yet there I was, analyzing Curious George in my...
Gamma Irradiated Old Man: A Tale of Arm Wrestling and Sleeping Next to Bears
On the old 1970’s Incredible Hulk TV show with Bill Bixby and Lou Ferigno, there was an episode where this...
Nice Shirt… Do They Make It In Men’s?
I know a guy who gets into a lot of fights, and nearly every story he tells about them contains...
Chinese Fire Drills Can’t Even Kill A Bitch
(The following excerpt is taken from Ben Franklin's personal diary) "Today Lodi popped into my head. Summer 1979 Lodi, running...
Children Choose Dinosaur Burn Up as Worst Fate
Some say the worst way to go is drowning. I beg to differ, as most kids will tell you...
Workplace Mystery #773: Sharing is Creepy
This lady that I work with comes to my deskish area and says, Oh hey I thought of you this...
Three Breasted Mother Suckles Pigs In Muddy Crawlspace
Riding scooters and yelling. The dogs, even the dogs know that these little children… are wrong. (more…)
Parenting IS for everybody, even people who hate kids
He kind of makes you feel sad like that song about the electric bear from The Notwist. His parents had...
Look Alike – Police Station Chief and His Pet Dog
Tourists must see hot spot. When you have a dog sometimes either you start to look like your dog or...
Icy Fruit for Monkeys “Look at that butt!”
That is not a giant bar of soap that the baboons are attacking. It is icy fruit the delicious summer...
Assholder: Start Your New Career Now!
Who says there aren’t any jobs available? You an always move to the UK and become an ass holder.
Ass Dragging Werewolf Leads Pack of Chickens
A baby Ass dragging werewolf thinks a chicken is his mother. He grows up to lead pack of chickens. A...
Fucking Cloaking Device
http://www.fuckingcloakingdevice.com/ I wonder if this guy got the job?
How Co-Workers Shit Behind Toilet Seat
If you've ever wondered how your co-workers manage to shit on the back of the toilet at work, now you...
Eagle Chases Ass Dragging Werewolf
He thinks that tail is a worm. Yes the end is near. Ass draggers can fly.
Optical Illusion – Girls Gone Wild
If you look at this picture quick doesn’t it look like the girl is pulling up her shirt? If you...
Singing Doctor Cures Insomnia And Other Tales
When you start a new job, some terrible things happen to your mind. You may find that you can no...
Workplace Mystery #208: The Money Changers
It happens every day. This phenomena, it comes without warning, without reason. People go to work, not to work but...
The Good Old Days of Spam
Spam has changed. It used to be a lot more fun. Messages about discount watches, and viagra, and 13 foot...
How to Convert an Old Weedwacker Into a Flamethrower
Step 1: Get an old electric weedwacker. (Preferably one your Dad finds for you on the garbage.) Step 2: Plug...
The Art of Looking Busy
Chances are if you work in an office environment you are always being watched to make sure you aren't surfing...
Listen Up, Then Listen Again
There are a lot of albums from 10-20 years ago that when I listen to now sound better to me...
Adventures in Voodou
We've all seen these workplace voodoo kits, they show up at Christmas parties and birthdays, and everyone gets a laugh...
Fuck You Internet.
Dear Internet, Sometimes I wish Al Gore never ate that quarter pound of ‘shrooms and invented you. Before you came...
Officer Dodges Bullet, Kills Baby
With the new fall tv season just ready to go, my REM sleeping mind has decided that my own personal...
