Look at my teef. I’munna bite yo
I finally colorized the birthday card Bixby drew for me last year.
EMToast
“Hands Off and Cat” Billboard Sneak Preview
This is the sneak preview of the “Hands Off and Cat” Billboard to be rolled out later this year. Artwork...
“Burnty Goodness” Billboard Sneak Preview
This is the sneak preview of the “Burnty Goodness” Billboard to be rolled out later this year. Artwork for this...
“Burnt Toast” Billboard Sneak Preview
This is the sneak preview of the “Burnt Toast” Billboard to be rolled out later this year. Artwork for this...
"Don’t Be A Nunsk" Billboard Sneak Preview
This is the sneak preview of the “Don't Be A Nunsk” Billboard to be rolled out late Fall. Artwork for...
“Toast Face One” Billboard Sneak Preview
This is the sneak preview of the “Toast Face One” Billboard to be rolled out late this fall. Artwork for...
“Dirty Germs With Combovers” Billboard Sneak Preview
This is the sneak preview of the “Dirty Germs With Combovers” Billboard to be rolled out late this fall. Artwork...
“Put An End To Dolphin Rape” Billboard Sneak Preview
The second billboard in this fall’s marketing campaign begs the target market to put an end to dolphin rape. Since...
“No Doy” Cat Billboard Sneak Preview
This fall EMToast will begin a Billboard marketing campaign in select cities. This is the sneak preview of the “No...
Hot Dog: A Tale of Origination
Hot dogs originated in an area of Europe once known as Germany in a time when humans scavenged the leftovers...
Skull-Snakes New Morbid Craze With the People
They used to make cool rings that instead of precious stones had poisonous spiders encased in glass. After the animal...
Mentally Decapitated
“I am mentally decapitated,” she said.
Choking Hazard: The Real Reason Garlic Repels Vampires
Garlic makes the heart beat twice as strong. When a vampire bites into the throat of a garlic eater, the...
You Stoped A Hart
“You Stoped A Hart.” These words painted 20 years ago in red on the side of an overpass . Who...
I’m Cornbread Eating Mad
I'm cornbread eating mad. I was at the fruit store looking for come jujuberries and this little girl starts looking...
Big Clark’s Dirty Hot Dog Secret
Big Clark was one of the greatest singers of the 20th century. The key to becoming a superior singer is...
Stay back Lozaq, I’m going into the future!
Lozaq the father lived next door to us. He looked like a gentle child molester with light dog shit colored...
Can you identify these six creatures?
Post you guesses below.
Less Than Zero
“Did you ever hear about the movie less than zero? That's about your brain power.”
I Thought My Ghetto Blaster Was a Boom Box.
I grew in the ghetto of my town, but I never knew it until I read it in the paper...
Happy Final Birthday!
Whether you're sure someone is dying this year, or you just hope they are, be sure to wish them a...
Robots are from before my time.
I asked my friend’s father if he had any toy robots when he was a kid. He told me, “Robots...
I Drank Perfume From the Unicorn’s Horn
I unscrewed it and drank the perfume from the unicorn’s horn. I was a little kid, but I knew better. ...
That Sun is a Reptile
That sun is a reptile and after this, he ain't never shinin' her way again. Art by: bixby
Three for a Quarter
You used to get 3 lives for 25 cents No continues And you liked it.
POLICE: Feral Cats Abduct and Rape Woman
Belgian tourist, Julio Prejean, witnessed the terrorizing occurrence while vacationing in Honolulu, Hawaii. Prejean told police, “It was a safe...
That’s the assistant Mayor
That’s the assistant mayor. The mayor has beige pants, the assistant mayor has white pants and sneakers
Lesson One: He Bleach His Self
In college, a professor asked the class why does the black community reject Michael Jackson? (This was before MJ died...
Portrait of My Dog as a French Serial Killer
My dog posed for a sketch. I placed him on interview. He is a French serial killer. French is the...
I overheard some hipsters talking about VHS tapes
I overheard some hipsters talking at the flea market. The one hipster says to the other hipster , “One thing...
The Turkey’s Prayer: A Lord’s Prayer Adaptation with Permission from God
Our turkey who art in heaven, hollow be thy breast. Thy stuffing comeThy meats be done on plates as it...
I Hope You Don’t Have Too Many Nightmares
Instead of saying sweet dreams, I say "Good night. I hope you don't have too many nightmares." Instead of saying...
Two Drops To Guppy Heaven
Back then you could buy a tankful of feeder guppies for just a few cents. You could pick up an...
Mountains Like White Maggots
A modern day translation of Ernest Hemingway's short story Hills Like White Elephants Hill related Ebrol long valley and white....
The Mouths of My Children’s Bellies: One Woman’s Foray into the Territories of Ebay
The following transcript is the abridged version of an E-bay customer transaction gone wrong. This poor woman just wanted to...
Snowbow Warning of Emergency Alert Symptoms
Don't look directly into a snowbow or you will lose your vision forever and your eyes will glaze over white....
“Ecce Homunculus” Spanish Fresco Restored
Late 90's art icon It Come has resurfaced at The Sanctuary of Mercy Church near the Spanish city of Zaragoza....
Never Get Between a Man and His Coffee
"Never get between a man and his coffee this early in the morning," said the man to his daughter. A...
Jesus Loves You… Baby All Night Yeah
A shocking and offensive ad campaign has been rolled out across 18 Catholic universities in the United States featuring a...
You Probably Think This War Is About You
Forget World War III, that's so 80's. The real threat is the Carly Simon Wars. Marily Manson, interviewed on Omaha...
We Bought the Dead Dog Capital Zoo
There’s a new movie out called We Bought a Zoo. You may think it could never happen, but it already...
During Holiday Cash Tips Inadequate
Forget the tip. We Need Singles & Newport and Gilrfriend. Spotted at Hess Station in Northern NJ.
Rabbit: Nature’s Cutest Killer
Tonight at the mall pet store I overheard a woman saying, “Rabbit, your nails are like hypodermic needles. My arm!”...
"Gimme Turkey" Key to Pilgrim Survival
In 1564 the native american indians taught the pilgrims how to survive the harsh north american winters by smoking four...
Reagan’s Ghost Haunting Whitehouse, Wants Obama Out, Literally
The ghost of Ronald Reagan is haunting the Whitehouse, quite literally. He first appeared to Obama while he was literally...
