The Tenth Day of Christmas Biebers
On the tenth day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: Ten Guy from Super Troopers Nine Kristen Stewarts Eight...
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What Do Reindeer Dream About?
What do reindeer dream about? Brittle old people bones. So says the oracle. Photo by MarioMancuso
The Ninth Day of Christmas Biebers
On the ninth day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: Nine Kristen Stewarts Eight Boris Karloffs Seven Selena Gomezs...
Don’t Piss off the Guy Who Buys Your Dinner
One of the seniors worked in the produce dept. He seemed to have figured out how to get by working...
The Eighth Day of Christmas Biebers
On the eighth day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: Eight Boris Karloffs Seven Selena Gomezs Six Amy Winehouse...
I Came up Sour. Your Eyes Will Drop to the Floor.
The boys heard that the new assistant store manager, was married to a lunch lady at their old grammar school...
The Seventh Day of Christmas Biebers
On the seventh day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: Seven Selena Gomezs Six Amy Winehouse Five Jason Priestleys...
You Look like a Cat Burglar
The time. 1993. The place. A dept store receiving dock. The characters. Mr. Piff, the Operations Manager. Don, the LTL...
The Sixth Day of Christmas Biebers
On the sixth day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: Six Amy Winehouse Five Jason Priestleys Four Taylor Swifts...
I Beefed One Out
Photo by xlibber Doctors should know that prescribing certain blood pressure pills to overweight patients with excessive body body hair...
The Fifth Day of Christmas Biebers
On the fifth day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: Five Jason Priestleys Four Taylor Swifts Three Osama Bin...
Look at the Bottom
Photo By Walmart Corporate Each day at 3:30, the warehouse receiver sat at the gray metal desk to calculate the...
The Fourth Day of Christmas Biebers
On the fourth day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: Four Taylor Swifts Three Osama Bin Ladens Two Khloe...
The Third Day of Christmas Biebers
On the third day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: Three Osama Bin Ladens Two Khloe Kardashians and a...
The Second Day of Christmas Biebers
On the second day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: Two Khloe Kardashians and a Kelly Osbourne with red...
The First Day of Christmas Biebers
On the first day of Christmas Justin Bieber dressed for thee: A Kelly Osbourne with red cheeks
TIME Word of the Year 2014 is…
Photo by WarmSleepy TIME has announced their Word of the Year and it’s one most of us have never heard...
Hope Stands Alone: A Tragedy of Hope
Hope stands alone. Immune to the contagious facial Impetago that has decimated her family this holiday season. No less than...
Ghosts Love Frankenstein Monster Pets
Frank9 pet us please!
How to Eat a Dry Twig
Tambako the Jaguar Step 1: Eat the dry twig. (Put a dry twig between your teeth and chew a dry...
How to Eat a Fresh Fig
Gudlyf Step 1: Eat the fresh fig. (Put a fresh fig between your teeth and chew a fresh fig) Congratulations...
I Will Try to Hold My Tears Deep Inside My Eye Holes
A: I left my phone at home. Don't be sad if I don't answer your texts until later. B: I...
Today a Eagle Is Born the Most Powerful the Merkin Nagel
Today a eagle is born the most powerful the merkin nagel. Billy likes it best of off the kinds
3 Proven Ways to Dodge Debt Collectors
The big story in the news today is that one third of American's are in debt and have debt collectors...
Drink Pep’s Confusion Filter
Pep’s Confusion Filter was printed in fancy blue letters across the side of the bottle. The men were drinking it...
Fill Your Belly with the Bad Pieces
Are you sure that's a good place to hide the body?
He Wouldn’t Eat the Candy
Even though he wouldn’t eat the candy, in the end they still made him into a sugar skull.
I hope to be reborn as a 1989 Toyota Tercel
When I die, I hope to be reborn as a 1989 Toyota Tercel. Rusted and dependable, but unwanted.
Facebook Begins Rolling Out Friend Rating System
The social networking giant will begin rolling out an advanced friend rating system on Friday. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerburg announced...
What would it be like to be with the garbage woman’s daughter?
It’d be wild. But she's a bitch just like her mother.
Why You Can’t Buy Grape Ice Cream
There is no such thing as grape ice cream. The reason? It has a lot to do with dogs, girls,...
Don’t pass out in your sleep
If you pass out in your sleep, you’ll never wake up again. Homage to “It come to sleep on your...
Godzilla of the Parking Lot
The boy carelessly lost the small rubber Godzilla figure from the car at an interstate rest stop. “Mom! Stop! My...
Robot King Decrees “Exfoliate them. All of them!”
When the Robot King decrees, “Exfoliate them. All of them!” the sponge bots obey. Since they are sponge bots not...
Dead Bear Obsession Threatens Reality
T.S. Eliot wrote “Humankind cannot bear very much reality.” Four out of five people are obsessed with dead bears and...
Here is a recent picture of me. This is what I look like now.
Dear Mom and Dad, As you know, I moved far away. The town I live in now doesn’t have duck...
Wild Boars Really Vampire Pigs?
Mt: Why don't they call wild boars vampire pigs? Ft: Yeah that's what they are. They have long fangs just...
Aunt Jamaica’s Blood Strengthening Diabete-Sauce
Now with even more sugar! Goes great on waffles, pancakes, or guzzled straight from the bottle. Plastic shot glass included...
Anger & Vanilla Motivate Parking Attendant’s Crimes
In 1994 or 1995 the patient had become a security guard at the local community college. The job was to...
CONTEST: Enter your submission for a chance to win back your life!
Submit your article, story, or drawing to EMToast for a chance to get it published on the site and win...
The Man with the Wizard Tattoo
I am very dumb, and very serious. That is a dangerous type of person.
Singer Shits and Fouls Up Stage
NEWS FROM AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: Robin Think “I’ll Give You My Lovin’ (Like It Or Not) singer caused another uproar...
Turkey Legs Come For You
Turkey legs. He comin' for you birthday. He got somethin' real nice for ya too.
Folgers Crystals Are Life Crystals
Folgers crystals are life crystals. Don't let nobody tell you different. When I was having that heart attack, I put...
How To Avoid the Guilt of Not Loving Your Child
NY radio station 1010 WINS broadcast today that "behavior problems can turn the child you love and your life into...
Dojo Billy Wizard and Laser Dog
Dojo Billy Wizard and Laser Dog send their birthday wishes. Hope it’s your birthday soon. Drawing by Bixby.
