Banjo the Cat and the Haunted Serial Killer
It was a dark and stormy night, and John was feeling particularly restless. As he lay in bed, staring up...
bixby
The Power of a Greeting: How the Saying ‘Good Day, Sir’ Protected a Village from Vampires in 1575
Once upon a time, in the year 1575, in a small village in Eastern Europe, there lived a man named...
In Shocking Turn of Events, Federal Government Announces Bold New Plan to Combat Global Warming: Shooting Water into Space
In a stunning announcement today, the federal government revealed a bold new plan to combat global warming: shooting water into...
My Ex Wife Won’t Let Me Come Home Unless I Get a Lobotomy
The man sat in his car, staring at the familiar house in front of him. It was his home, the...
Love Notes From Ghana
Mr. Awuni writes ..."I am seeking a love and servitude from a beautiful woman with the fear of God. Please...
Tasers Banned after Intestinal Explosion Burns Hot-Wings Champ during DUI Arrest
Deerface, Iowa -- Two officers and a college student remain in critical but stable condition after an arrest gone wrong....
Why Your Boyhood Pain Never Works out the Way You Plan
I'll never forget the event that lead to my eventual disappearance. I came home from my math tutor and found...
Ladie’s Self Defense Lesson #2
Use the buddy system. You don’t have to outrun the date rapist, just your girlfriend.
Ladie’s Self Defense Lesson#1
Tell your attacker, “Your Mum smells of shit.”
Do This Next Time Your Man Gives You Flowers and His Heart will Detonate
If a man gives you flowers, thank him, blow your nose, and tell him the flowers smell of piss. -...
Beware the One Who Is Always There to Wipe Away Your Tears
Beware the one who is always there to wipe away your tears. – An Old West Dakotan Proverb
Floss Is Good
Floss is good. You not a scumbag otherwise you can live in town with no teeth.
Some Women Should Be Wearing Lysol
Billy Wizard told me some women should be wearing lysol for perfoom it will help theyr job
There Are No White Teeth on Pretty Girls
there are no white teeth on pretty girls unless they bleach them to be in the pornose movies Billy Wizard...
The Anatomy of a Sight: Final Part
Brought to you by, your friends at the National Hamburger Council of Panama & BurgersForTheSight.org Please detach and keep within...
The Anatomy of a Sight: Part Two
Top Bun: For upper lid firmness to protect your eye from sharp objects. Lettuce: For whiter eyes Tomatoes: For round...
Fingers in the Inside Now! Go!!
Fritzy write in you journal. You can not make me wright a journal entry today if I do not have...
Stop Shivering like a Shitting Dog
Today it rain. I did not say dry and Billy Wizard said to me stop shivering like a shitting dog.
today I went to my friends hause
today I went to my friends hause his name is yehuda weiner his ma gave us dry bad cookies like...
A History of The World by Fritzy McGee
200 years ago people lived in caves and wore animal skins and cleaned chimneys with the bones of small children...
Apples of your cheeks should be called tomatoes of your cheeks
Apples of your cheeks should be called tomatoes of your cheeks because when you punch them they split open like...
Bad Pussy From Last Century
When I was 20 years old, I saw my first old pussy. It was bad. I was working in a...
Why I Hate Philosophy Students Who Smoke the Pot
1998. I asked a friend for help today moving some boxes. Nothing too involved, a couple boxes of paperbacks from...
Dead Snakes In Your Car Window
Dad always told me even if it’s hot out you can't leave the windows open in your car because you...
Secret Family Recipes My Grandma’s Skeleton Sold To Me
This is the first installment of my secret family recipe book. More to come in the future. Enjoy Snackersquatches and...
Your Dog Has a Bitter Voice
"Excuse me, but your dog has a bitter voice, a very bitter voice. It cuts right through me."
Look Ma! I made a picture of cocaine on tinfoil with blood on it
Look Ma! I made a picture of cocaine on tinfoil with blood on it.
Bears Are People Too
Taking a drive. Campfire.
Eat Pray Love
Tastes pulpy!
Happy Birthday Bleedin’ Baby Jesus!
Merry Christmas to all from your friends at EMToast.
“Quick like a bunny.”
Klaus described in great detail how he was going to engineer a car that ran solely on blood, human...
