Man Discovers the Secret to Time Travel: Oversleeping on Weekends

In a breakthrough discovery that has left the scientific community baffled, a man from New Jersey claims to have discovered the secret to time travel. The secret, he says, lies in oversleeping on weekends.

“I was sleeping in till noon on Saturday when it hit me,” said the man, who wishes to remain anonymous. “I had traveled through time! I went to bed on Friday night and woke up on Saturday morning, but it felt like I had skipped hours, maybe even days.”

At first, many were skeptical of the man’s claims. Time travel, after all, is the stuff of science fiction. But as more and more people tried oversleeping on weekends, the evidence began to mount.

“I always thought time travel would involve some kind of fancy machine or a DeLorean,” said one convert. “But it turns out all I needed was a comfortable bed and a few extra hours of sleep.”

As word of the discovery spread, a rush of new time travelers began to emerge. People who had previously scoffed at the idea of time travel were now oversleeping on weekends with fervor, eager to explore the mysteries of the universe.

Some, of course, were skeptical. “It’s just sleep, people,” said one detractor. “You’re not actually traveling through time. You’re just…sleeping.”

But the time travelers were undeterred. They were too busy exploring the endless possibilities of their newfound power. Some went back in time to fix past mistakes, while others fast-forwarded to see the future.

One man, John Smith, a 35-year-old accountant, claims to have overslept so much that he woke up in the year 2050. “It was crazy,” he said. “The cars were flying, the buildings were enormous, and there were robots everywhere. I can’t wait to go back.”

Smith, also claims that he has been able to travel to different periods of history by simply sleeping in on Saturdays and Sundays.

“I first noticed it when I woke up one Sunday and saw that my phone said it was 1776,” Smith told The Onion. “I thought it was a glitch, but then I looked out the window and saw people wearing colonial outfits and carrying muskets. I realized I had somehow traveled back to the American Revolution.”

Smith said he quickly went back to bed and woke up again in his own time. He decided to test his theory by oversleeping again the next weekend.

“I set my alarm for 10 a.m., but I snoozed it until noon,” Smith said. “When I opened my eyes, I was in ancient Rome. I saw gladiators fighting in the Colosseum and emperors giving speeches. It was amazing.”

Smith said he has since visited several other historical eras, such as medieval Europe, the Renaissance, the Industrial Revolution, and the 1960s.

“I’ve seen some incredible things,” Smith said. “I’ve met famous people like Leonardo da Vinci, Abraham Lincoln, and Elvis Presley. I’ve witnessed major events like the Black Death, the French Revolution, and the moon landing. I’ve even participated in some of them. I helped Gutenberg print the first book, I signed the Declaration of Independence, and I danced with Marilyn Monroe.”

Smith said he does not know how or why his oversleeping triggers time travel, but he has some theories.

“Maybe it has something to do with the circadian rhythm or the REM cycle,” Smith said. “Or maybe it’s just a cosmic coincidence. Maybe God is just messing with me.”

Smith said he plans to continue his weekend adventures, but he also faces some challenges.

“It’s not always easy to blend in,” Smith said. “Sometimes I have to improvise costumes or languages. Sometimes I get into trouble with the locals or the authorities. Sometimes I accidentally change history. For example, I once spilled coffee on Hitler’s painting and made him angry. I hope that didn’t have any negative consequences.”

Smith also said he has to balance his time travel with his normal life.

“I still have to work on weekdays and pay my bills,” Smith said. “I also have a girlfriend who doesn’t know about my secret. She thinks I’m just lazy and antisocial on weekends. She wants me to spend more time with her and do more activities. But how can I do that when I have the whole history of the world at my fingertips?”

Smith said he hopes to find a way to share his discovery with others someday.

“Maybe I can write a book or make a documentary,” Smith said. “Or maybe I can find someone who can oversleep with me and join me on my trips. That would be awesome.”

Smith said he has no regrets about his unusual hobby.

“It’s been an amazing experience,” Smith said. “I’ve learned so much and had so much fun. I don’t care if anyone believes me or not. I’m just living my dream.”

Not everyone we spoke with was thrilled with the discovery. Some worried that oversleeping on weekends could have unintended consequences.

“We don’t know what kind of ripple effects this could have on the fabric of time and space,” said one concerned scientist. “We could be creating wormholes or alternate timelines without even realizing it.”

But the time travelers dismissed such concerns. They were too busy living in the moment, savoring each new experience that oversleeping on weekends brought them.

And who can blame them? In a world that seems increasingly complex and uncertain, the idea of being able to travel through time with nothing more than a comfy bed and a lazy Saturday morning is too good to pass up.

So go ahead, oversleep on the weekends. Explore the mysteries of the universe. Who knows what wonders you might discover? Just be careful not to oversleep too much – you don’t want to miss out on all the good stuff happening in the present.

In the end, the discovery of time travel through oversleeping on weekends is a reminder that sometimes, the greatest breakthroughs come not from complicated machines or brilliant minds, but from simple moments of rest and relaxation. Who knows what other secrets the universe might reveal to us, if only we take the time to slow down and listen?