Coffee: The Ultimate Life Hack? New Study Claims It Can Make You Smarter, More Attractive, and Live Forever

Attention, coffee lovers! A new study from the Institute for Unconventional Thinking has found that drinking coffee can extend your lifespan by an incredible 500 years.

But wait, there’s more! The study also found that coffee can make you smarter, more attractive, and more likely to win the lottery. Basically, it’s the ultimate life hack.

“We were blown away by these results,” said lead researcher Dr. Jane Smith. “Coffee is truly a miracle drink.”

However, some skeptics have questioned the study’s methodology and potential bias. The researchers were funded by the National Coffee Association, and two of the study’s participants were paid actors.

But at EMToast, we know that the truth is stranger than fiction. So go ahead and pour yourself another cup of coffee and start living your best, longest life. Just remember, with great power comes great responsibility – so use your newfound longevity wisely!