Comes a time in a man’s life when he’s got to decide. Alligator or crocodile? Which will I be? I am a crocodile, and I’ve done terrible things.

In 1978 my mother told me I couldn’t eat cereal and watch TV.  I was eating Sugar Corn Pops and watching a Corn Pops commercial at the same time. My five year old self was impressed that the yellow hatted cowboy was talking about the same thing I was eating. Then here comes Mom with the rules. I ignored her.

“If you won’t go in the kitchen, then go to your room,” she screamed.

Now an alligator would have listened. An alligator would have gone to the kitchen with his delicious Sugar Pops, but the Croc came out early.

“Go to your grave!” I shouted while pushing her down the apartment stairs. She lay at the bottom of the stairs whimpering well after I finished my third bowl of cereal.  She survived with nothing more than a sprained elbow Read the rest of this entry »