Department Store Santa’s Hurtful Words Scar Children

Obligatory Santa Lapping

Department store Santa’s are known to victimize and terrorize children and adults alike.  The classic image of a child crying on Santa’s lap is not without reason. Here are some of the things Santa’s have been overheard saying to children and sometimes their parents who come to sit on his lap to give their Christmas wishes.

1. Just because you are wearing a turtleneck doesn’t mean you’re better than everyone else.
2. Santa is Baby Jesus all growed up from the future coming back for his birfday parties!!
3. You ain’t getting nuffins for Xmas because you is an un Christian.
4. You know why God don’t make no junk? Because that is Satan’s job
5. Your moms is buying you underpantses for Christmas.
6. You are going to get a stocking full of bloated ticks.
7. Santa says you are getting dirty filthy unwashable socks for Christmas.
8. You are getting herpes for Christmas and you can’t return it. (Whispered to a father of 4)
9. Santa is going to hide in your chimney and wait until you are asleep then he is going to anally assault you and say ho ho ho Merry Christmas. (Whispered to a mother of 2)
10. Make me some cookies bitch.
11. The real Santa ain’t nothing but a bloated old pedophile.

Creative Commons License photo credit: CJ Sorg

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