Infant Body Builders: Limits Are For Adults

How young is too young?  To these infant body builders affectionately known as “baby builders” it is never too early to start.

Immediately after birth, their parents have made the choice to take extreme measures to push their babies to the limit of human muscle development.

By administering a  controversial mix of similac, protein powder, and Human Growth Hormone, parents are helping their “baby builders” to achieve the perfect image.

Alberto “The Agitator” (Pictured above)

At only 6 months old, The Agitator is one of the nation’s top baby builders.   His most recent accomplishments include, bench pressing 600 lbs, breaking his mother’s wrist, and smashing through his parent’s bedroom wall from the next room.

“Maniac” Mark

Any time Mark’s mother asks Dad for help with household tasks, he just turns and says, “Use Mark’s brute strength.”

At just 2 months of age, Mark is already more of a man than his weakling dad ever was.

Mom says “Now I don’t have to strain myself opening pickle jars anymore!”

Vince “Veinman” Vincent

Like many of the baby builders, Vincent has a darkly tanned body which contrasts with his pale while baby face.

“I guess it’s because of Hollywood child labor laws,” says Dane Vincent the baby’s father.  “We wanted an even tan on the boy, but if you notice almost all these kids have white heads.  They say the tanning booth can cause brain damage if used on the head so we have to limit them.  It has something to do with lighting and Hollywood.  That’s what the guy at the tanning place told us.  It’s illegal I guess.”

Jimmy “Smiles”

Smiles isn’t even old enough to have baby teeth, but he’s already out there winning the competitions.  He wasn’t always such a smiley guy.  Last month he cried because he accidentally broke his baby sitters back.

Gerry “The Giant”

At just 24 inches tall, Gerry is able to bench more than most 63 inchers.  He once flipped a cement truck just by looking at it.  (The driver got distracted) He also accidentally crippled his 16 year old brother in a wrestling match. “Sorry!”

“Strawberry”

Strawberry once tore down kitchen counter to reach the cookie jar.  Other feats of strength include, kicking his baby brother onto their garage roof, towing his Mom’s car home from the grocery store, and peeling the skin from a pineapple with his bare hands.