Step 1: Find a Famous Bear

In order to make money fighting  with bears, the  wild ones must be avoided.  Not only are they dangerous, but there is no money to be made fighting these nameless bears.   The public is interested in seeing matches with famous bears, so try to arrange one with one of the giants such as Winnie the Pooh, Yogi Bear, Papa Bear of the Bernstein bears, or even the Coca-Cola endorsed Polar Bear.

Step 2: Study Your Opponent’s Fighting Technique

Use any means possible to arrange a bout with the bear that you want to challenge.  If the bear doesn’t feel like fighting you, simply do something to make him angry.  Bears have tremendous tempers;  even Winnie can become enraged if you take his beloved “hunny.”  Once you’ve arranged the bout, do some research, and study your opponent’s fighting technique.  View tapes of any previous fights or observe him in his natural habitat if possible

Step 3: Get In the Ring

Once you feel that you have the advantage over your opponent, get into the ring and fight that bear!  If you have followed the suggested steps and chosen a famous bear, the fight will be easy.  Years of fame have most likely taken the fighting spirit out of your enemy, and he will be easily toppled.

Step 4: Defeat Your Opponent

Fighting famous bears can be difficult and sometimes dangerous.  Be confident that you can defeat your opponent.  Use the knowlege you gain through observing the famous bear to conquer him. Avoid his special attacks, such as the dreaded bear hug and the powerful bear claw.  Repeated blows to the nose and face will usually bring down even the toughest famous bear.  Remember his face is his most valuable asset; destroy it and victory is yours.

Step 5: Collect Your Prize Money

Depending on how you have arranged the bout, you may collect a purse whether you defeat the bear or not.  Assuming you win the match, however, you should collect a rather large prize.  This means that you are now ready to go on to battle more famous bears for more money.  Good luck and good fighting!

Click for the original 1998 foldable brochure version. Print one out for a friend!

How To Make $ Fighting Famous Bears

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This entry was posted on Sunday, August 16th, 2009 at 5:28 pm and is filed under Weird World News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.