Rancho Cucamonga, CA – While browsing the internet during study hall one fall afternoon, high school hurdle hopper Harold Hamstrung came across a website dedicated to video game speed runs. Taking great pride in defending his state champion track team, The Cucamonga Crotch Crickets, the teen star sprinter immediately set out to best those records of digital deftness. Henry chose to best the time of 9 minutes 15 seconds in Super Mario Bros 2 under the assumption if he could run a 4 minute mile he would have to exert minimum effort to crush the record. Unfortunately, having spent his formative years running in circles, he had never even held a game controller and no amount of team spirit could motivate Mario to do anything but jump in place. Believing that winners never quit, Henry was found in his room 14 days later still on level 1-1 and suffering from severe leg atrophy. Ironically enough will now spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair with all the time in the world to get his game on.
Artwork adapted from Zombie Mario Tee available HERE
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