Our turkey who art in heaven,

hollow be thy breast.

Thy stuffing come

Thy meats be done

on plates as it is in heaven.

Thank you this day for bloated guts,

and forgive us our passed gasses,

as we forgive those who pass gass against us,

and lead us not into indigestion,

but deliver us from hunger.

 

Amen. 

(Adapted from the Lord’s Prayer with permission from God)

In 1564 the native american indians taught the pilgrims how to survive the harsh north american winters by smoking four rolled tobacco cigarettes at a time and demanding that their neighbors “gimme turkey”

By 1567 the white man had eaten all the buffalo, invented track lighting, and Nascar.   The free world was born.

Thanks.

Pocahontis 2010 with her free Shop Rite turkey. 

The 2nd Thanksgiving.  Pilgrims vs Native Americans.

Aries: Your life has become as complicated as a Marble Madness diagram. The planetary alignment of Pluto and Uranus is telling you to, “Slow it down you little shit!”

Capricorn: You might be tempted to serve up a beat down 1970′s style with some klick klacks. Careful because you are bound to hit yourself right in your goddamn lip. Read the rest of this entry »