Klaus described in great detail how he was going to engineer a car that ran solely on blood, human blood.  He said he wanted to go to college just so he could create this car and make it so people would have to go to the filling station and ask the attendant to fill it with the RH negative.

“It’s going to blow people’s minds, maybe they will all stop driving and start walking everywhere.

“The Air conditioning was cranked so high, I came home to cold eared bunnies in loaf position in August”

I did not know that in 2005 they found his body in a Connecticut field with his throat slit.  Charles Rocket 2005.

Thous ist homeless and shall work for morsels sir.

Wilst work for Morsels.  George Will Slept Here and he will enjoy morthels of meats because he will be the King of the United S States

Medieval illiterate homeless people were fooked up and predicted future presidents and other people’s homelessness.  You’re homeless mister and will work for food.

Also Steve Jobs went into the future and created apples, but before that he predicted Geoge Washington becoming the king of the United states because he cut down an apple tree and shot apples off peoples heads because  he was also William Tell.

Steve Jobs was an illiterate homeless medieval phone maker. .

Your Eyes Look Like They Smell Like Corn

Video above, and below is the transcript of Steven Hawking’s terrifying 911 call during his ordeal in a squatch nest:

911 OPERATOR: 911 what’s your emergency?

(Screaming of students)

STEPHEN HAWKING: Oh my god, the squatches are upon us!

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In the great year of 1978, women were freed from their bloody bondage by the invention of a simple wax coated bag.  Headband cycling, bikini tanning, armpit scratch tennis matches, and teapotting were just a few activities that tampon bags allowed women to enjoy during menstruation.  With the invention of the wax coated necessity bag women threw off their bloody shackles.  Before the bag, the disposal of feminine hygiene products kept women chained to their toilets.  Today women don’t have to sit home and bleed. They are free to go out and bleed everywhere…on park benches, at restaurants, on the sand at the beach, sidewalks, and department stores.

Whereas once women had to spend three days on the toilet in a nest of paper towels, now they could fly like eagles shitting rocks and bones on people’s cars breaking their windshields.

You were scraped out of my mind 3 yrs and 2 months ago.

Dear Stinkbug,

I do not appreciate coming home to find you on my toothbrush. Since you touched it, I am going to be nice enough to give it to you, you are going to need it, as a life raft. I hope you enjoy the rest of your life on my toothbrush inside of a ziplock bag full of chicken blood you little bastard.

Love,

Bixby

XOXOXO

Day 1:  I woke up this morning to the sound of birds pecking inside of my walls, which was creepy, then a few hours later I heard them in the crawl space, that was creepier. It sounds like I have wall chickens.

Day 2: It’s 3:15 a.m. I got about a whole hour of sleep then something started yodeling outside and woke me up and something fell on the roof, now all I hear is a faint tapping coming from the bedroom walls, I’m going to pretend its not satan or some demonic presence, and that there really is such a thing as wall chickens, that peck in their sleep. Read the rest of this entry »

Go pack your cavities with sugar.

Don’t lie to kids or withhold the truth from them. Most little kids are smarter than you give them credit for, mostly because their skulls are still pretty soft and they have more blood flow to their brains. Yeah there are some stupid kids, some kids are just born that way just like assholes, anyway lets get to the point.

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On Oct 18, 2011 dozens of wild and dangerous animals were let loose from a private zoo in Zanesville, OH.  Most were shot and killed in order to protect the public.  Ohio is one of less than 10 states with no laws regulating private animal ownership.  This jeopardizes public safety and animal welfare.

What this incident has also brought to light is that Ohio is 1 of 50 states with zero regulation on exotic monster ownership. The following fact sheet illustrates recent monster attacks from Ohio alone.  Please help protect our monsters and the public,  support the ban on private ownership of vampires, werewolves, zombies and other dangerous creatures.

FACT SHEET

Recent Monster Incidents in Ohio Demonstrate Risks to Public Health and Safety, Human Welfare

October 2011 (Muskingum County): 48 creatures, including werewolves, vampires, Ghosts, Dinosaurs, Aliens, Moth Men, and a 3000 year old mummy escaped from a Zanesville property.

September 2011 (Green Camp): A man was hospitalized after being attacked and repeatedly bitten in the face and upper body by a  hungry vampire at an exotic creature breeding farm.

December 2006 (Tuscarawas County): A boy lost his left arm when he put his hand into a blob’s cage at his grandfather’s ranch to pet it. (See Photo Above)

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I just want to say thanks to the drunken asshole, walking down the middle of the road at night wearing all black, for paying attention in dirtbag safety class the day they taught them to make sure they are smoking a cigarette so that cars driving up behind their completely non reflective black hooded asses can see the ember from their cigarette at the last second and swerve to miss them.

SMOKING SAVES LIVES!

i had a dream about satan and some cave that had an outcropping in it that was carved to look like the top of the devils head like from the top of his horns down to his top teeth and you could stand under it and put your head inside of it and satan came and he was black not red, then i woke up with the phrase of your convicted of being an asshole in my head.  it was weird

photo credit: riptheskull

Facebook sentiment of the year.

A new study conducted by Station Park Cancer Hospital has shown that between the years 1973 and 2010 ninety-nine percent of people diagnosed with bowel, bladder, lung, or brain cancer had eaten peanut butter or were related to someone who had. It is still too early to tell what the exact link is, but scientists are determined to find it, even if it means asking questions like how often patients ate peanut butter and in combination with what other foods.

Dr. Erdnuss Arahide who first discovered the potential cancer link states, “Peanut butter is dangerous. With further research I hope to discover if peanut butter alone is the catalyst or if it’s a deadly reaction between peanut butter and other foods.  We could be contacting the FDA, and peanut butter could be banned from store shelves within the month.  It has already been banned in some schools due to childhood peanut allergies. If we can prove that it causes cancer, the ban will definitely be nationwide. We can’t eradicate peanut butter,  just like we can’t eradicate cigarettes.  No one can tell you what to do with your body, but they can tell you that you can’t eat peanut butter in public.”

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I’m 97 years old, and I never heard of cancer until I was 12 years old.  My neighbor fell down the stairs and broke his leg.  He went to the hospital and did you know he never came out ‘cause they said he had cancer? I never heard  of cancer before.  I think they gave it to him. Who goes to the hospital with a broken leg and ends up with cancer?

Doctors invented cancer to get your money and keep you in the hospital. When they open you up and let the air get at it, it spreads everywhere.

Look at me.  I got popcorn shrimp swimming around in my veins.  I ain’t going to the hospital for that.  I’ll get cancer.  That’s how they get you.

Find and circle all the famous authors that are hidden on the grid below.  Click to enlarge. Don’t blow out your eye drums squinting.

P.S. You can just circle the author’s names on your screen with a sharpie. Your monitor is getting old anyway.

Click below for the answer key.

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The green revolution is upon us with everything from recycling, reusing, up-cycling and re-purposing. It’s all about what’s old is new again.  First came Battlestar Galactica and Hawaii Five-O, now CHiPs is scheduled for a fall 2012 return.

For those too young to remember, CHiPs was an “American television drama series …that originally aired onNBC from September 15, 1977, to June 17, 1983. CHiPs followed the lives of two motorcycle police officers of theCalifornia Highway Patrol” (Wikipedia)

New life for CHiPs began when Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger purchased the lost first pilot episodes of CHiPS which never aired. He stumbled across the find on EBay while searching  for some Ponch and John dolls for his office.

The slightly different pilot version of the show never made it to America’s television sets back in the 70’s. It was at the time considered too “naderesque” , a term used before there was a term “green”, or as it was more commonly called by the network execs of the day “tree hugging hippy bullshit” .

A memo written by NBC network execs at the time advised that the CHiPs pilot episodes did not fit with their image or agenda. They stated, “This is the age souped up gas guzzling muscle cars. If we wanted horses we would have picked up little house on the prairie.” Read the rest of this entry »

How do you know if you’re a hoarder?  Here are the 10 telltale signs that indicate hoarding behavior.  

1.  If you have more than one of the same thing,  you are a hoarder.  This includes plates, spoons and socks.  You have a symptom.

2. If you read through the entire newspaper before throwing it out, you are a hoarder.  You don’t need all that paper laying around.  Get it out of here!

3.  If you save mp3 files on your computer, Ipod,  or laptop you are a hoarder.  Information wants to be free, but so does your hard drive.  Delete them all you hoarder.  Keep yourself out of jail.

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