Vampires Are Real

About ten years ago, someone tried to convince me that Fred Durst is a 200 year old vampire.

As the story goes Tara Reid was throwing Durst a surprise birthday party.  She didn’t know how old he was, so she had her assistant do some research.  The assistant found photos of him in the civil war only  the man’s name was Frederique Durstington.  Also Tara Reid’s botched boob job wasn’t really botched, she was simply disfigured from Durst biting and feeding on her.  Also someone was collecting civil war memorabilia that turned out to be his stuff.  There was a photo of him wearing a jacket with the name Sergeant F. Durstington, and he was turned by Lincoln’s assistant.

Lincoln’s assistant? It sounds like a ridiculous story, doesn’t it?  And it is. Even more to in today’s world where, the assistant would simply need ask her phone for the answer and that would be that.  Durst’s secret would be safe.   Information is so easily acquired that you don’t stumble onto information as you used to.

It’s a major problem for detectives, but a great benefit for Vampires.  Look at the stats.  Vampire killings are already up 20% in 2018.  No one can get off their phone long enough to realize they are being drained.  Heart disease is supposedly the number one cause of death in the United States.  Does that sound real to you?  Didn’t think so.  It’s Vampires.  How about diabetes?  Never heard of it.

Ask yourself this.  Why are zombies so popular these days?  It’s a cover up.  The real walking dead are nothing like the innocent bumbling creatures you see on tv.  In the real world there are draculas around every corner.   They have been hired by the computers to clear out the earth to make room for the robots.  Just look at the results from WolframAlpha?