Let Him Be the Robot’s Child

robot bear photo

A pregnant woman told her husband, “For the tenth one, I want to do a Jersey Devil thing but with robots and then start the robot apocalypse.”

You see the Jersey Devil was a creature born hundreds of years ago to the Leeds mother.  Leeds already had 12 children and when the thirteenth one came, she said “Let it be the Devil’s child,” and he was.  He was born a disfigured creature with goat hooves and furry legs, pterodactyl wings, a puma’s torso, clawed hands, and a camel’s face.  He flew away at birth and spent the next hundred years roaming through the swamps of New Jersey looking for pine trees.

Back to the robots.  So she said, “Let it be the robot’s child,” and it sprang forth from its mother in a geyser of blood and oil.  The creature flew about the room like those flying fish from the movie Piranha II: The Spawning except with robot wings and more oils

The umbilical cord hung from the woman. All gross wires.   It was wrapped around the baby’s body and all cutting into it’s skin.  Underneath the dead baby meat was the robot baby.

The other nine children were sitting around the birthing table in a circle and battery acid sprayed from the robot baby melting their flesh and leaving it open to robot infection.  Some type of miniature living wires shot from the robot baby and got into the other 9 children and they came under control of their robot brother.

The robot baby and his 9 siblings were the bringers of the robot apocalypse.  They flew across the lands infecting countless babies.  All the robot babies flying and marching.  Destroying the human meat adults.  They never bothered with the animals.  Robot babies like pets. One of the robot babies even befriended a bear and when that bear got sick the robot baby gave the bear the gift of robotics and living wires.  A terrific bear with glowing amber eyes, and powerful robot strength.   The robot bear became an intelligent robot bear.  His power and wisdom eventually overcame the robot babies and they followed him.  His way was different than the robot baby.  Instead of infecting more robot babies and destroying the human meats the bear forced the robots to hibernate for hundreds of years.

The meat humans entered into the great robot bear hibernation era.  They used their e-pods and radio computers all the time.  They made all kinds of computer transmissions and blipping and beeping all over the place.  They even invented their own robots that could do things like open the car door for you, or rotate your shoes from your left foot to your right foot. Then  those robots got really mad and they had an uprising.  The can opener robots were fighting with the humans for more than ten years during the can opener human robot wars.  Both sides were so weak and stupid.  They just kept tripping each other and trying to make mud puddles for the other side to slip in.  They fell down all the time. It was so dumb.  The robot bear got irritated by all the noise.  He woke up and roared so loud.  The other baby robots all got scared and woke up too.

Then the robot bear made the robot babies all  turn on their metals magnets and smashed up these new stupid can opener robots.  Then they told the meat humans they better knock it off and go back to bed.  So the meat humans were good and they just went back to bed, and the robot  bear went back to bed.  Then after a while all the meat humans withered up and died.  They turned to dust and blew away.

Around 200 years later that robot bear and his baby robot followers all woke up and swept up the remaining human meat dust.   Then they all got jobs like regular people and had families and spaghetti dinner and visited their mother every Tuesday night.  The grandmother asked the grandkids if they were hungry and they said no and she fed them anyway.  One of the grandmothers invented milk and cookies and those families that the robots made are where today’s human people came from.  I forgot the part of how the robots got turned back into meat, but I think the bear robot is probably still around somewhere so don’t be too noisy because I think they might have a meat magnet too and then we’re all going to get in trouble.

Photo by Jonnay

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