You Will Shit on the Floor When You Hear about the Sony Pictures vs. The Ice Cream Industry Scandal

The Sony Pictures hack has taken another crazy turn.  This time into a totally unrelated industry, and corporate heads are expected to roll.  Sources close to the source revealed that the Sony Pictures “Christmas Gift” of leaked data that hackers threatened to release involves failed deals between Sony Pictures Execs and high level Ice Cream company executives.  Some of the companies involved are rumored to include Edy’s, Briars, and Häagen-Dazs
Not all the details are known, but it appears Sony Pictures attempted to make deals with the ice cream companies to cross promote their upcoming horror film Arthur Christmas II: Elves Reckoning

The list of flavors Sony Execs were asking the companies to develop were so outrageous that not one company even dignified the requests with a response.

The fact that Sony is even putting ideas like this out there, shows how desperate they have become in recent years. Some of the less offensive flavors they proposed to the companies were:

Elf Blood (Strawberry)
Santa Meat (Red Velvet Cake)
ReinDeer Hoof (Licorice)
Rudolph Snout (Cherry Vanilla)
Coal (Dark Chocolate)
Pine Needle (Mint Chocolate Chip)
Frankincense and Murder (Vanilla)

Jimmy valentine Mouse, head of the New Zealand Dairy Workers Union is calling for a total boycott of Sony Pictures.

Mouse said, “If Sony wants to bring the motion picture industry down, that’s fine, but leave the dairy folks out of it!  The offensive ideas they put forth are more destructive than they appear. It’s an all out assault against the hard working Milkers and Churners or our country. We have a hard enough time selling Vanilla as it is.  I mean it’s just frozen milk and they are connecting it with murder?  Come on Sony. What is an Arthur Christmas anyway?”

American dairy officials could not be contacted, but according to Rian Hathaway, Manager of the Dairy Dept in our local area, “The whole thing just sounds dumb.  Is that even real.  I mean why would Sony have such stupid names?  What does hacking have to do with ice cream?  I gotta get back to work.  My manager is coming.”

Photo by Thomas Hawk