I overheard some hipsters talking about VHS tapes
I overheard some hipsters talking at the flea market. The one hipster says to the other hipster , “One thing I’ll never be able to get behind again is VHS tapes.”
Kid you were never behind VHS tapes. We were there from the beginning, renting copies Alien’s Deadly Spawn and any other random Horror movie that looked slightly interesting. If you were behind VHS you adjusted your tracking with a knob, not a button, and you didn’t care if you were fucking up the rental tape rewinding the good part over and over. That part was already buzzing the tape heads and showing white lines anyway. You just hoped it didn’t break because tapes cost hundreds of dollars to replace due to high licensing costs. You were behind VHS if your parents bought an $800 Toshiba toploader from the electronics store in town when they definitely could not afford it and they made it clear, you better not fuck it up.
If you were really behind VHS, you would have watched tapes of Gone With the Wind or The Wizard of Oz with your Mom even if you’d rather be watching Rambo or Missing in Action because you only had one TV, and you still were able to enjoy it .
Or maybe your Dad brought home some crazy double feature tape with Reefer Madness/Night of the Living Dead that he found on sale and you could never bring yourself to watch Reefer Madness, but you loved Night of the Living Dead and this was the first place you saw the full version. Or maybe your Dad brought home a copy of Arsenic and Old Lace that you would never watched, but you still liked it because it made your home collection in the cabinet under the tv and above the record player look fuller.
Or if you were really behind VHS, later on when they started putting timers in them and blank tapes were readily available, you could record David Letterman and watch it after school, or when you got a girlfriend you’d force her to watch a week’s worth of Sailor Moon you recorded off channel 11 on Saturday morning even though you were way too old for cartoons.
Kid, we build an empire of video tapes so you could watch Glee on your Ipad. You could never really have been behind it at all, so shut up about the VHS and keep walking.