Stephen Hawking’s 911 Call “My God! The Squatches Are Upon Us”

911 terror of stephen hawkings

Video above, and below is the transcript of Steven Hawking’s terrifying 911 call during his ordeal in a squatch nest:

911 OPERATOR: 911 what’s your emergency?

(Screaming of students)

STEPHEN HAWKING: Oh my god, the squatches are upon us!

(Squatch screams and grunting and noise of students noises)

911 OPERATOR:: Sir, quit pretending to be a robot.

STEPHEN HAWKING: I am not a robot.

911 OPERATOR: Sir, I can’t help you if you’re going to pretend to be a robot.

STEPHEN HAWKING: I am a human being and I am being eaten alive!

(Creatures screaming)

911 OPERATOR: Sir, you need to calm down.

STEPHEN HAWKING: Send the police and a crane.

(Inaudible dialogue from Hawking and creature growling)

911 OPERATOR: I can’t help you if you’re going to pretend to be a robot.

(Students screaming and sounds of attack)

STEPHEN HAWKING: These goddamn kids, they said come out and look at this white dwarf we found in our telescope…

911 OPERATOR: Sir, quit pretending to be a robot.

STEPHEN HAWKING: …I came out here to prove them wrong, they showed me a garden gnome they spray painted white. I said you buffoons, and as I turned to drive away, I fell into a squatch nest, as I began to fall they tried to save me but I dragged them down with me….

if I am going to be torn limb from crippled limb, by a gigantopythacus , the least I can do, is take…

911 OPERATOR: Sir, I can’t help you if you’re going to pretend to be a robot.

STEPHEN HAWKING: …These little good, for nothing, shits with me …

911 OPERATOR: Sir, quit pretending to be a robot.

STEPHEN HAWKING: … ha ha ha ha ha ha hahahaha. We all go down together…

911 OPERATOR: Sir, you need to calm down.

STEPHEN HAWKING: …ha! ha! ha! you! die!

(snarling)

911 OPERATOR: I can’t help you if you’re going to pretend to be a robot.

STEPHEN HAWKING: Oh the humanity!

911 OPERATOR: Sir, you need to calm down.

STEPHEN HAWKING: No one is coming to my aid! Fuck it! Powering. Down.

911 OPERATOR: Sir, you need to calm down.

(inaudible garbled squatch noises)

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