Once again we are graced with a reader’s submission from 7 year old Fritzy McGee.
"Sometimes when I see my dad, like my real dad guy not the one my mom married after my dad got germs and stuff and lost his hair, I call that guy dad sometimes but mostly when mom is around because if I don’t call him dad then I don’t get cake after dinner. When he is asleep I call him creepy names and say stuff about the hairs that poke out of his nose, but he is so sleepy when he gets drinks of water that he doesn’t hear me say things to his ears. He doesn’t even feel it when I throw pretzel salt at him. But I don’t think it’s really water because it smells weird. I mean I am not some stupid kid I know some things, and you would think he would be like a nice guy and give me little drinks because he woke me up and I was thirsty when he was yelling at my moms crotch parts of her pants calling it her stretch pants porcupine, So I think it must be something secret.
But yeah I forgot I was telling you how my dad when I see him sometimes he tells me that we are going to visit his aunt who is my grandma’s sister but she died or something or she is an alcoholic I can’t remember which but I guess they are both pretty bad. When we go see my dad’s aunt lady she has a really mean dog that needs it’s fingernails cut and she paints them red and it is always licking the air kind of like Billy Wizard’s dog but dad says it has worms and that makes it sad. I bet when the dog goes to the place where all the dogs go to get thier nails done after they are cut off it probably says this feels good on our feets to the other dogs and then they go lay down or something. I look at it but I never see the worms of that dogs.
The lady who is my dad’s aunt has a flag with rainbows on it in her garden. She puts on the radio and the music is all like toople deeeeeee doople dee doo, and they go in the other room and yell real loud and my dad says that she should stop doing things with carpets and that she doesn’t need to advertise things with rainbows. I think maybe she is thinking leperchauns are real and she wants one to come live in her garden so that it will bring her a pot of gold, but that is just stupid and it makes me hate her a little for being so stupid and because she has really bad candy that is in a glass dish but all the single candy pieces are all one now because they have always lived together in that dish for so long. I think maybe she doesn’t really want people to have any candy.
My dad says that people in the town know she is a clam eater and I don’t know why that is making him yell because sometimes we eat clams that come in strips that come frozen in a bag with french fries. Then dad gets money from her and we leave, maybe she has a leperchaun and he shouldn’t get so mad all the time because they get him the money that he gets from her.
I like it when we leave because he drives really swervy and yells things at people and he doesn’t pay attention that I am not wearing my seatbelt. Sometimes I don’t like it because he waves his cigarette around and tiny hot dusties of it fly off and burn into my skin and he brushes it off but he smacks at me when he does it and it kind of hurts like he is secretly hitting me but doesn’t want me to know he is hitting me, but I know it because I have the feeling of the hitting in my arm when he does it. I don’t know why people got to try and fool people when the people know what the people are doing because they are there too and they know. Anyhow He told me that there is something wrong with her head and I think maybe she has rainbows in her brain meats,or something but I don’t know. I got to go now because my mom wants me to pick up all the pieces of cheez-its that I got mad at for falling out of my mouth and I ground into the carpet in billy wizards van. Bye "
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