Workplace Mystery #773: Sharing is Creepy


This lady that I work with comes to my deskish area and says, Oh hey I thought of you this weekend, because I know how much you like bunnies

(I have rabbits and I had their pics on my desk, just to annoy the lady who keeps pictures of her greasy kids on hers. And for real her kids are greasy. The kid is 4 and has the greasiness of that dirtbag kid you knew in the late 70’s whose mom was always so drunk that he never washed and was always eating boullion cubes) so she goes on to say that she was cleaning out the filter in her pool and there was a dead bunny in it, and she went on to describe how tiny it was and how water logged and bloated up it was and how it’s eyes were open. What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? Maybe I should start going up to people at work saying oh hey I thought of you this weekend I know how much you love kids, I saw one get hit by a semi, it got knocked right out of its tiny little keds and its tiny bloody baby feet were still in them, and there were tiny baby brains all over the highway.

It’s not like she took enjoyment out of finding the thing, she was just sharing the horror as people tend to do. But I am not kidding you that this happens like once a week, someone tells me some sad horrible tale about a little animal guy that got maimed or set on fire or hit by a car.

Sometimes they tell you other things that are totally inappropriate like things for real. I would rather hear about their urinary tract infections, botched abortions and projectile diarrhea than hear about tiny animals maimed and killed.

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