The year-1964. The location-Madrid, Spain. Esteemed scientist Juan Flamingo had 2 passions in life – woman and boxing. Unfortunately he also suffered from two interest obliterating afflictions – chronic erectile dysfunction and a mortal fear of a gloved fist caving in his face. Not content to let the loves of his life go unrequited, the troubled test tube technician set to work on scratching his womanizing and mitted fisticuffs adoration itch.
Soon a meeting of brilliant brains occurred as the scientist rounded up a group of fellow impotent lab laborers to collaborate on their greatest experiment yet – create a poon pursuing pugilist they could all vicariously live through. After many delays due to numerous siestas, the fruit of their perverted and violent intentions came to life. An animated homunculus packed with pounds of paella, gallons of gazpacho, and the plasma of a freshly felled matador. Loosely named after his creator, Don Flamenco was thrust into the world of banging Barcelona babes and training to be a squared circle contender. Months of rigorous workouts and exhibition matches followed as he climbed the ranks of the boxing Major Circuit all while laying his churro down to sultry Spaniard shorties.
Life as a hump and punch happy blasphemy of nature was good for Flamenco. That is up until Don was set to fight his greatest match yet against young upstart uppercutter named Lil’ Mac. An unflappable ego and raging sex addiction left the fighting Frankenstein ill prepared for the bout. Flamenco entered the ring with his trademark rose clenched in mouth, released his toothy grip and time slowed as the crimson blossom cascaded to the mat. The bell rang. A taunt from Don was met with a punch, and another, and another. Alternating left to right blows left the libertine seeing 120 stars. He never even heard the 10 count. Apparently he ignored his trainer’s rule of abstaining from carnal carousing the night before and his freshly drained punching bags left his knees as rubbery as his creator’s manhood. A rematch occurred with the same devastating result. He never fought again. The story ends with tragedy as Don Flamenco met his end by being gored to death in the streets of Spain by a real bald bull after it had escaped its pen. His tombstone read, “People like my hair. Don’t mess my hair”
Side note – does anyone else think Don Flamenco looks like Adam Sandler??
- Russian Scientist’s Family Adopts Tunguska Creature
- 9 Year Old Boy Commits Suicide After Learning Mummies Are Real
- EMToast: Top 5 Werewolf Sightings