Kellogg Layoff Result: Corn Pops Rebranded Gold Tooth Crunch

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Gold Tooth Crunch

Due to recessionary concerns, the Kellogg Company has asked it’s Kellogg’s ® division to recycle some of their old cereal box designs due to the unexpected layoff of their entire marketing department.  John Harvey Kellogg VI ® the great great grandson of the company’s founder created this design at his Battle Creek, MI ® home.  Kellogg, a marketing novice, decided to capitalize on nostalgia and rejuvenate the classic 70’s mascot Big Yella by giving him a golden toothed grill.  Kellog explains, “The mascot is new, the cereal is new.  Just look at those Pops now.  Everyone was always complaining how they were rotting teeth out and marketing changed the name from Sugar Pops, to Sugar Corn Pops, and finally to Corn pops.  It’s ridiculous. Now that those marketing losers are at home collecting unemployment  where they belong, I’m putting things right.”

Look for Gold Tooth Crunch later this month at your local grocer.

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10 thoughts on “Kellogg Layoff Result: Corn Pops Rebranded Gold Tooth Crunch

    1. I want to crunch up some gold teeth. I remember watching a commercial for sugar corn pops back in 1978 when they had this cowboy and my mother fell down the fucking stairs and her elbow blew up like this big bubble because she sprained it and she had to wear a sling and at that point i realized my parents were mortals and it was very disappointing.

  1. I always thought he was riding around on an orange. I was so confused when I found out that it was sugar pop 🙁 I remember they got soggy so fast and then tasted all shitty like wet corn, but at least they didn’t rip the shit out of the roof of your mouth like captain crunch.

  2. Know what cereal I really liked? “Beefy Beefheads meat crunch puffs”!
    The milk turned into gravey and it had little pieces of jerky in it.
    They stopped distributing it after less than a month because there was a rumor the jerky bits were’nt beef, but deceased old people from resthomes who had no family, so the homes sold the cadavers real cheap to Kellogs.
    Pissed me off. I bet the rumors were started by General Mills.
    I tried making my own with crunchy dog food and even cut up little bits of jerky with a pair of scizzors, but it wasn’t the same.
    Wonder what their secret was?

  3. There was an orange flavored cereal and the add had a cartoon cowboy riding around on an orange. I don’t remember what it was called, but that must be what you are remembering.

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