Why do you think this site is called “emtoast”?? What did you think “emtoast” meant? Obviously it means “Everyone Masturbate (with) Toast”!

So, now you know. Now you know the sad, horrible and wicked truth about Mr. EMToast. Don’t hate him for loving toast. It’s a sickness. He needs our sympathy and support, not judgment!

Anyway, I played along. Now c’mon and email me about what the hell this is all about.. (no need to publish this!) Maybe if you convince me, I’ll play along with some other articles! (currently unemployed!)

Otherwise, I may get bored & have incestuous sex with my dolphin son.

Edit as you like..

I was just having some fun, but my half dolphin son is in a program and doing really well at controlling his desires. He had some incidents with the little girls at preschool, but is now institutionalized for a bit to learn some things about humans- I found a really great place that focuses completely on half dolphin/human mixes.

So, what the hell kind of site is this anyway, toast mater

The U.N.O.S. has come to the conclusion that the species known as Homo Sapiens has ruined the earth long enough. You create nuclear bombs, pour oil in the sea, get aids from violating apes, and eat disgusting food like PB and J’s! We will no longer sit by and let this atrocity continue.

In retaliation to these crimes, we have decided to take your best women and merge our species, in doing so we will gain the upper hand on land and be able to assume command of the earth once again. You insignificant beings will kneel to the greatness of our prehensile penis. (we call them slongs btw, but i like how ur name roles off the tongue)

In Conclusion, our Rape Squads rome the ocean searching for the sluttiest of women to repopulate the earth with what i like to call, Dolpians. We have had trouble with some of our young Rape Soldiers, that they get carried away and we extend our sincere apologies for such behavior, however it will most likely not cease to happen for I was a young R.S. and understand the difficulties of controlling the urge to continually rape till death occurs and would not like to stand in the way of a Rape Solider and its Rapey. Furthermore, you ugly fat bitches need to stay out of tiny swimsuits, we are not going to rape you just cause you cant get any on land.

This message is approved by the Dolphin King,
Albert

P.S ToastMaster, i cant believe you chose a username called “victim” and you are roleplaying with that? wow, i cant believe that there are people on earth this stupid! Earth will be better off without you faggots!

Also, “boku” should be “beaucoup.” It’s French for “much” or “a lot of.”

It’s people like you that come out and make us woman feel that we should not tell our stories. We start to blame ourselves, like, was that bathing suit I was wearing too slutty? Would my body have shut down if it was a “legitimate rape?”

Besides, who would just make up something like this?! You have a sick head. Have a heart! I will pray for you, jesus loves you. Maybe.