On the old 1970’s Incredible Hulk TV show with Bill Bixby and Lou Ferigno, there was an episode where this old man was taking some kind of special arthritis treatments and he turned into another hulk.  I remember thinking how crazy and weird it was that there was this skinny tall old man hulk fighting the regular Hulk.  What was this skinny old man with green make-up doing fighting the Hulk?  Something about it just didn’t seem right to me, but even so the concept always stuck with me.  The Hulk was already a perversion.  A freak.  So how can you make a freakier freak?  Age him.  That usually works.

Read the rest of this entry »

Werewolves have been the greatest threat to national security since the early part of the 19th century. Lincoln was at the forefront of the movement to bring about their eradication.The War raged on for years and America was winning every step of the way. The werewolves, sensing their imminent demise, did the unthinkable. They put aside their claws and fangs and fought in human form against the Lincolnian forces. This turned out to be their greatest asset.

Read the rest of this entry »

When I was about 6 years old I had a Dad crafted fort in my back yard. It was basically just 3 pieces of wood nailed together to form a triangle with a back on it and a curtain for the door. All I had in there was a Superman movie poster and a little lock box that I kept crackers, pepperoni, and a few Superman comics in. It was my mini-me fortress of solitude. Read the rest of this entry »

To prepare for the upcoming Halloween celebrations, EMToast has done extensive market research and delved deep into EMToast personal memory banks to bring you the top 10 Zombie sightings of all time.

1. Night of the Living Dead (1968 Film)

This movie is best watched on a worn out 1980′s VHS video tape purchased from a Jamesway bargain bin.  Make sure to get the one that includes the movie Reefer Madness.

This film is the origin of all modern zombie movies.  If you claim to be a zombie lover and you haven’t seen this film, don’t tell anyone you just lost all your zombie street cred.

Read the rest of this entry »

Ya know, this book got me to thinking that old Michael Landon take on the Wolfman catches a lot of unnecessary flack. Sure he eschewed normal man-wolf behavior and opted to choke a bitch out instead of dispatching a victim in the expected feral fashion, but the man was breaking down stereotypes. The average woof-man would likely bare fangs then proceed to gnaw off an arm while claw slashing an abdomen to midriff release a steaming miles long pile of intestinal fortitude. Not ol’ Landon, the Highway to Heaven creep took lupine mannerisms to an up close and personal vibe and wrapped paws around neck and gave it a furry pressurized squeeze. I could only imagine the victims thoughts as she was being loomed down upon by an adult male sized plushie. “Is this beast going to hug me or pelvic thrust my leg? Oh wow, those hairy mitts are kind of soft on my collar. Oh shit, this mutt is strangling me. Does Wolfman really have nards?” Read the rest of this entry »