Author Archive
Jun
28
2010
“You better shut up or I’ll make your eye bigger than it already is.”Posted by bixby in Art of the FolkedPasta Tagliatelle is Black People!?! Tags: Bixby, cannibalistic christians, eating black people, faux paux, freshly ground black people, pasta bible, soylent green, soylent green is peoplePants on the ground is a life changing song it helps young people not kill theyselves after seeing Avatar the most saddest movie of our generation, says Billy Wizard who demands retribution for the sins against his people. His retribution comes every weds in the mail and cashed it and says he just got back another teeny tiny piece of his soul from the crippled marine who tricked his people for the man he mostly drinks stuff he calls fire water that he makes in the garage and sometimes dogs get killed when they sneak in and drink it, he says it is because they avatars grown in test tubes yo got to has soooul to be able to drink it or you gonna die. He gives laser dog bong hits. Because he is a real dog and he guards Billy Wizard’s shit from me. I think he thinks it will fix his poor broke down laser. Tags: Avatar, billy wizard, Bixby, don't touch my shit, laser eyes, Pant on the ground(The following excerpt is taken from Ben Franklin’s personal diary) "Today Lodi popped into my head. Summer 1979 Lodi, running chinese fire drills around a Gremlin in heavy traffic, with three dog night blasting on the radio. Tags: Human Interest
Dec
16
2009
Workplace Mystery #773: Sharing is CreepyPosted by bixby in Curious Ideas, UncategorizedThis lady that I work with comes to my deskish area and says, Oh hey I thought of you this weekend, because I know how much you like bunnies Read the rest of this entry » Tags: Greasy Kid Stuff, Human Interest, urinary tract infectionsOnce again we are graced with a reader’s submission from 7 year old Fritzy McGee.
Fritzy writes: "Sometimes when I see my dad, like my real dad guy not the one my mom married after my dad got germs and stuff and lost his hair, I call that guy dad sometimes but mostly when mom is around because if I don’t call him dad then I don’t get cake after dinner. When he is asleep I call him creepy names and say stuff about the hairs that poke out of his nose, but he is so sleepy when he gets drinks of water that he doesn’t hear me say things to his ears. He doesn’t even feel it when I throw pretzel salt at him. But I don’t think it’s really water because it smells weird. I mean I am not some stupid kid I know some things, and you would think he would be like a nice guy and give me little drinks because he woke me up and I was thirsty when he was yelling at my moms crotch parts of her pants calling it her stretch pants porcupine, So I think it must be something secret. Tags: billy wizard, brain meat, fritzy Mcgee, rainbows
Oct
11
2009
Everything Has Boobs: October is Breast Awareness MonthPosted by bixby in Weird World News“Everything has got boobs, even my dad and guys, “exclaims 7 year old Charlie Percheffons, the winner of the October is Breast Awareness Poster Contest for Missouri Area Schools. Tags: Bixby, boobs, breast awareness, dirty pillows, fun bags, knockers, melons, ta tas
This little known day of celebration gets bat owners and bat lovers alike a chance to celebrate their little flying friends. Tags: bat brushing, Bixby, malaria, rabies, tempe arizona, vampires, weird national holidays
Sep
08
2009
The Chronicles of Coppersmith: One Man’s Terrible Foray into the Territories of AmazonPosted by bixby in Book, News & Reviews, Weird World NewsMay 29th 2009 June 1st 2009 June 5th 2009 “Where is Poor House Fair” this is “Of the Farm”? This package is a book ordered by Coppersmith from a different seller than the one that sold him “Poor House Fair”. At the time Coppersmith does not realize this, perhaps he never realized this. Perhaps the heat and fetid darkness of Amazon had begun to take affect on his brainmeat. Tags: all customers are assholes, amazon, cavalier attitudes, caveat emptor, dick, good day sir, valenica
Aug
25
2009
Parenting IS for everybody, even people who hate kidsPosted by bixby in Art of the Folked, Curious IdeasHe kind of makes you feel sad like that song about the electric bear from The Notwist. His parents had better send him to boarding school in his preteen years, and while he is away they had better move and leave no forwarding address. Tags: Bixby, child abuse, kill me now, sad kids, schadenfreude |







Entries (RSS)