It wake up.

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Pasta Tagliatelle is Black People!?!

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Pants on the ground is a life changing song it helps young people not kill theyselves after seeing Avatar the most saddest movie of our generation, says Billy Wizard who demands retribution for the sins against his people. His retribution comes every weds in the mail and cashed it and says he just got back another teeny tiny piece of his soul from the crippled marine who tricked his people for the man he mostly drinks stuff he calls fire water that he makes in the garage and sometimes dogs get killed when they sneak in and drink it, he says it is because they avatars grown in test tubes yo got to has soooul to be able to drink it or you gonna die. He gives laser dog bong hits. Because he is a real dog and he guards Billy Wizard’s shit from me. I think he thinks it will fix his poor broke down laser.

(The following excerpt is taken from Ben Franklin’s personal diary)

"Today Lodi popped into my head. Summer 1979 Lodi, running chinese fire drills around a Gremlin in heavy traffic, with three dog night blasting on the radio.

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This lady that I work with comes to my deskish area and says, Oh hey I thought of you this weekend, because I know how much you like bunnies Read the rest of this entry »

“Hi Dad”

“Hi little guy”

Once again we are graced with a reader’s submission from 7 year old Fritzy McGee.

Fritzy writes:

"Sometimes when I see my dad, like my real dad guy not the one my mom married after my dad got germs and stuff and lost his hair, I call that guy dad sometimes but mostly when mom is around because if I don’t call him dad then I don’t get cake after dinner. When he is asleep I call him creepy names and say stuff about the hairs that poke out of his nose, but he is so sleepy when he gets drinks of water that he doesn’t hear me say things to his ears. He doesn’t even feel it when I throw pretzel salt at him. But I don’t think it’s really water because it smells weird. I mean I am not some stupid kid I know some things, and you would think he would be like a nice guy and give me little drinks because he woke me up and I was thirsty when he was yelling at my moms crotch parts of her pants calling it her stretch pants porcupine, So I think it must be something secret.

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“Everything has got boobs, even my dad and guys, “exclaims 7 year old Charlie Percheffons, the winner of the October is Breast Awareness Poster Contest for Missouri Area Schools.

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Peace out!

This little known day of celebration gets bat owners and bat lovers alike a chance to celebrate their little flying friends.

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May 29th 2009
Richard Coppersmith begins his journey into the unknown territories of deepest darkest Amazon with the purchase of a book, “Poor House Fair” by John Updike. He is patient and remains steadfast on his course for several days.

June 1st 2009
Coppersmith is upbeat and looking forward to the rewards at the end of his journey.

June 5th 2009
On the seventh day of his journey as if a gift from God, Coppersmith receives a package.
He is glad of its arrival but with it comes the first seeds of doubt.

“Where is Poor House Fair” this is “Of the Farm”?

This package is a book ordered by Coppersmith from a different seller than the one that sold him “Poor House Fair”. At the time Coppersmith does not realize this, perhaps he never realized this.  Perhaps the heat and fetid darkness of Amazon had begun to take affect on his brainmeat.

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Click to check out the EMToast Year One Retrospective.

He kind of makes you feel sad like that song about the electric bear from The Notwist. His parents had better send him to boarding school in his preteen years, and while he is away they had better move and leave no forwarding address.